Today is our appointment with our tax preparer Elliot. Elliot is a very nice, if a bit strange, man and he has always done a good job of providing us with all the benefits he can possibly find in the tax code so we aren’t continually screwed (okay maybe we’re just a little screwed on a continual basis — semantics).
Anyway…I’ve been putting it off because so many things have happened this past year — both Devoted Spouse and I retired and started drawing from retirement accounts and investment accounts (hey we gotta live on something!). We also sold some of the stock we held in the company where we were employed (I’m now not so sure that was a good idea.) And I cashed in some bonds for my tuition (again, probably not a good idea.) Then again we lost a ton due to the puking of the stock market so maybe it will all even out.
On the plus side we have given generously to our church and to charities (dang I wish EmmaLou could be a dependent) and I have always paid my taxes fully and on time – I am an honest citizen. But, I’m getting tired of being taxed to death (oh yeah, Devoted Spouse, please stick around awhile, I can’t afford that death tax thing either).
I was given a copy of a wonderful (if only it was true) letter addressed to the IRS today. I only wish I had the nerve to send it – however that would be a surefire way to get audited and who needs that kind of attention?
Here for your chuckle of the day is the letter:
I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes owed April 15, but all is not lost. I have paid these taxes:
accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income tax, dog license tax, federal income tax, unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting license tax, fishing license tax, waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax! , Medicare tax, city, school and county property tax, real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle license registration tax, capital gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas assessment tax, OH sales tax, and sales tax in other states that I have visited. There are many more that I can’t recall but I have run out of space and money.
When you do not receive my check April 15, just know that it is an honest mistake, (I’m out of cash). Please treat me the same way you treated Congressmen Charles Rangel, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Daschle and, of course, your boss Timothy Geithner: No penalties and no interest.
Thank you for your kind consideration.
P.S. I will try to make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus check.
Oh, Elliot, please be gentle with us…