Oh Just Suck It Up and Go

tax_form_1040

Today is our appointment with our tax preparer Elliot.  Elliot is a very nice, if a bit strange, man and he has always done a good job of providing us with all the benefits he can possibly find in the tax code so we aren’t continually screwed (okay maybe we’re just a little screwed on a continual basis — semantics).

Anyway…I’ve been putting it off because so many things have happened this past year — both Devoted Spouse and I retired and started drawing from retirement accounts and investment accounts (hey we gotta live on something!).  We also sold some of the stock we held in the company where we were employed (I’m now not so sure that was a good idea.) And I cashed in some bonds for my tuition (again, probably not a good idea.)  Then again we lost a ton due to the puking of the stock market so maybe it will all even out.

On the plus side we have given generously to our church and to charities (dang I wish EmmaLou could be a dependent) and I have always paid my taxes fully and on time – I am an honest citizen.  But, I’m getting tired of being taxed to death (oh yeah, Devoted Spouse, please stick around awhile, I can’t afford that death tax thing either).

I was given a copy of a wonderful (if only it was true) letter addressed to the IRS today.  I only wish I had the nerve to send it – however that would be a surefire way to get audited and who needs that kind of attention?

Here for your chuckle of the day is the letter:

Dear IRS,

I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes owed April 15, but all is not lost. I have paid these taxes:

accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income tax, dog license tax, federal income tax, unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting license tax, fishing license tax, waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax! , Medicare tax, city, school and county property tax, real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle license registration tax, capital gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas assessment tax, OH sales tax,  and sales tax in other states that I have visited.  There are many more that I can’t recall but I have run out of space and money.

When you do not receive my check April 15, just know that it is an honest mistake, (I’m out of cash).  Please treat me the same way you treated Congressmen Charles Rangel, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Daschle and, of course, your boss Timothy Geithner:  No penalties and no interest.

Thank you for your kind consideration.

P.S. I will try to make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus check.

Oh, Elliot, please be gentle with us…

elliot

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9 thoughts on “Oh Just Suck It Up and Go

  1. Dang,
    That’s a lot of taxes we’re paying.
    I hope Elliot does a good job this year.
    PS
    I didn’t know you & Hubbs are recent retirees.
    Congrats!
    I’ve got 5 or 6 more years to go.
    Counting down…..
    Yup Hubs hit 65 and said “I’m outta here” – I was only in my early fifties at the time (last year) but I couldn’t bear to work at that toxic place without him so I quit (I just call it being retired). I’ve been too lazy (and of course injured now) to go out and find another job. I really should work a few more years, but we’ll see.

  2. I classify myself as retired, since I quit my last job that I was at for 8 yrs to ensure my mental health, well, maybe should have quit sooner cause my mental state is now in question. I realized how difficult it is to be gainfully employed in your 50’s when trying to change careers and decided “phooey” since Hubz (was) making enough to take care of both of us and his job is best done by us older folk.

    Now I can’t imagine putting up with the idiots you find in everyday jobs. I’m too old to suffer fools anymore and my mouth can get me in trouble fast. Maxine after all is my idol.

    Self employment taxes really suck!
    I like the term retired, too, because it tells me I’ve done my time! Although with the tremendous financial hit all our various 401Ks, IRAs and other retirement accounts have taken, I feel like I should stop taking money out of them and go back to work and build them backup. But, you’re so right about being too old to suffer fools anymore – that’s why I quit – I worked with a bunch of nasty, self-absorbed, throw-you-under-the-bus-in-a-heartbeat, toxic people and I think that’s unhealthy. I dunno – I still have my Masters program I’m debating about whether to stay in (expensive) or quit. I’d like to find at least part time work but who can really afford to work for $12 an hour these days and that’s all they want to give you. I need to either win the lottery or get that great American novel finished or continue to steal Devoted Spouse’s plasma and sell it… LOL

  3. Taxes? Oh dang…..I gotta do my taxes AGAIN?

    I’m afraid our new stimulus loving administration is going to suck the life out of us taxpayers….and not only does it scare me…it pissed me off too!

    p.s. You and hubs must be pretty close to the same ages as HBL and I. 🙂
    I have no doubt our taxes will go up; it’s just a matter of time. My tax man didn’t seem too worried, but we did make a few mis-steps this year (oh well). Who knew the economy was going to tank? as for the p.s. yup DS turned 66 and I just hit the big 56. I don’t know where the years have gone!!!

  4. Love the letter to the IRS. I must get my taxes done soon, hubby is mad at me because I didn’t get any taxes taken out of my unemployment last year….oops.
    Yeah, me too – wish I could take credit for writing it. the tax appointment wasn’t too bloody – but we’ll see how bad the finished product is in a couple of weeks. I may have to put a PayPal button on this blog and ask for donations! Or just keep selling Devoted Spouse’s plasma…

  5. ugh. I wish my pets could be dependents too!
    EmmaLou would certainly help us with taxes – and it would only be fair to take her as a deduction, coz she sure has deducted tons of money out of my checking account to pay for all her chewing damage! LOL

  6. Well, we’re not the same ages but we’re the same age differences. 🙂
    Don’t rub it in – the whole world is younger than me these days!! LOL

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