Lord Give Me Patience, and I Want it Right Now!

witch-doctor-uganda-africa_1631357Tuesday was my return visit to the Witch Shoulder Doctor  to hear his verdict based on the wonderful notes written by Agador Spartacus, Physical Therapist to the Stars Middle-Aged Mundane.    This picture doesn’t really do him justice and Dr. Ortho Pedic is nice enough as doctors go, but he’s in the wrong field.  He should live in Pennsylvania, wear a top hat and yearly fondle a  Punxatawny rodent.  Apparently, Dr. Ortho Pedic  saw his shadow and I have 6 more weeks of this **&%^&&%% sling contraption.  Stupid doctor.

Can I drive?  No.

Can I move my arm to the side?  No.

Can I have more Percoset?  Yes (okay 1 out of 3 is not bad).

I am now faced with even more physical therapy – not just for the shoulder that I still maintain they should have at least duct-taped in, or set with Velcro so if it comes out I can stick it back in,  but also for my lower back due to the most horrific back spasms which make me walk like I’m 105 years old and refer to all men younger than 90 as  Sonny.  Grrrr.    So now Chunky Monkey gets to take out his aggression on my back after he stretches my arm enough to pull it right out of the socket again.  I just know when all is said and done I’m going to have one arm dragging the floor.  I know it.  Did I mention I’m feeling a tad hateful right now?

Crap on a crutch.  I can’t do anything with this arm for fear of hurting it more — I can’t exercise because not only am I off-balanced (I know you know I’ve always been off-balanced but now I have a legitimate excuse to say that) but I can’t take the chance of falling and hurting anything else.  Plus the most walking I can do is from the front of Target to the Pharmacy Counter where even the Pharmacist suggests I sit down and she’ll get me some water and one of the la-la pills she is filling for me.  Pitiful.  People give me pitiful looks and I want to throw my sling at them but it’s foam and wouldn’t hurt.  Crap on a crutch.

Seems I still have a ways to go…  if only I had seen the sign back in January…


8 thoughts on “Lord Give Me Patience, and I Want it Right Now!

  1. Six more weeks? Are you kidding?
    And have you considered getting a second opinion, esp. re: the back spasms?
    I’m not kidding. Six more weeks. And if I don’t have full use by then it’s MRI time. This IS my second opinion. Stupid doctors agree (it’s a conspiracy). I just want to crawl in a hole and hibernate until 6 weeks is over. I’m afraid by the end of the next 6 weeks I WILL be the 750 lb. person stuck in their bed that the medics have to cut the walls out to get the crane to hoist into the waiting U-Haul to take to the medical center. You know what really p*sses me off? Between the Percoset and the Valium I can’t even have a glass of wine. No wonder I’m hateful.

  2. The title of this post cracked me up. Mostly because I can relate to it so well. *sigh*
    Yeah, I also always had a problem with “all good things come to those who wait.” Not good at that.

  3. Linda,
    I was taught to never pray for patience because it is learned through tribulation…doesn’t mean that I don’t need to pray for it, just that I am a whimp when it comes to more troubles than I already have.

    Like my son, the Marine, wrote home from Boot Camp, “pain is my friend”, it sounds like it may become your mantra for the next 6 weeks…ouch!

    Here is hoping that by the time the spring flowers show up, you will have full use of your arm again…I am thinking Spring for you….and for me.
    I know I need to concentrate on something other than myself – I truly had no idea how frustrating and difficult this journey would be. And yet I realize so many others are worse off than I – how dare I complain? I remember (only too well) the adage from my youth…”there are starving children in Africa.” I am chewing on humble pie, believe me.

  4. uh oh the “if onlies” ……well at least you still have your sense of humor.
    Yes, my sense of humor – without it I probably would have leaped off a cliff several weeks ago, but I would have no doubt gotten stuck on something and mucked that up, too. *curls up in fetal position* LOL

  5. Don’t you know it’s a conspiracy?? Agador says you need more therapy so he can pay the mortgage on his beach house. Dr. Pedic says since Agador isn’t happy with your progress you need more $185.00 office visits so he can…..well, drive a beamer or take his mistress to Bali. The Pharmacist concurs so she can sell you more happy pills and put that 4th kid through college, and after you’ve suffered for 6 more weeks and they tell you that surgery is required, you’ll be happy that someone is finally doing something. Take your xrays, mri’s and records and get a second opinion, my dear.
    Unfortunately, this IS the second opinion. As Delaney says, at least I don’t need surgery yet so I’m going to kick my own butt, shut up, suck it up, and be a lazy pill popper for another 6 weeks. Agador’s report was good – I can’t imagine what would have happened if it had been bad – I knew from the beginning that this injury had about a 3 month recovery – I just assumed I’d have a miracle breakthrough after all there are hundreds of people praying – but I guess God is teaching me patience (once again) and this time I need to pay attention. I think I’ll just take a few days off and be quiet and let this sink in…

  6. Look on the bright side, they didn’t say the dreaded “S” word so at least you aren’t looking at surgery yet…oops! I said it, sorry. Be a good little girl and take it easy, smile as sweetly at Agrador as he pummels you relentlessly to try and relieve the strain (yeah, right) and take your lovely la-la pills and by the time you are free (at last) you can look forward to spending time in your garden and long walks with the birds chirping their happy songs…OK, enough of the sappy story telling. Suck it up Marine and suffer through, Semper Fi!!
    yes, ma’am, shutting up now. New attitude…I love my sling and my sling loves me… *sigh*

  7. Oh I am sorry you are still in pain, but you have a wonderful sense of humour and your post has really made me smile. I don’t know why but the line “crap on a crutch” to me is so funny.

    Take care of yourself and I hope you feel better soon.
    Thanks sweetie, I am better, I’m just impatient to be done with this stupid injury once and for all. And I know you all are getting sick of hearing about it! 🙂

  8. This is auntie checking in before logging off (tonite is my fav History Channel series about UFO Hunters).
    BTW, I have met up with SmartMouthBroad and Midlife Slices on Twitter.
    Care to join us?
    As you can see, i don’t have much of a life.
    okey dokey – I just started a twitter account. Now what?

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