All I wanted to do was drive to my friend’s house to feed his cats since he was out of town. Sounds simple enough. It was snowing and very cold that morning. Devoted Spouse had gone out to get my car warmed up and cleared of snow. And then everything went to heck in a handbasket.
Life took on the appearance of a three-panel cartoon as I made that fateful first step. One baby step onto the ice was all it took to initiate launch sequence. We had lift-off; Linda was airborne. Slow motion, arms flailing in the air, realizing the outcome was not going to be good.
As my tailbone was about to meet concrete pavement, my brain sent a signal to my right hand to brace myself for impact. That may be the last time I listen to my brain. I did such a good job of bracing that my arm decided on its own to head for warmer climes and left the relative safety of my shoulder. My arm decided to relocate while my shoulder decided to dislocate. Can you say pain?
I could hardly move and Devoted Spouse had to drag me into the garage. Meanwhile I had visions of one of those construction cranes trying to hoist me upright because I sure couldn’t do it. I was content to lay on the garage floor and die, but Devoted Spouse had other ideas.
I knew I was hurt but I hate doctors and hospitals. So I ate 4 ibuprofren and managed to sit at our kitchen table thinking it would get better. It didn’t. It got worse. So much worse that even I wanted to call 911.
Thinking lucidly, I asked Devoted Spouse to help me take off my new Ohio State Univ hoodie because I just knew that some bright person in the ER would want to cut me out of it — that’s what they do on all the dr. shows on tv. Fortunately I had a tee shirt on underneath the sweatshirt.
Even though I was in alot of pain, the ride in the ambulance was fun. I had a cute paramedic which helped. Being hooked up to a morphine drip helped the time go by. It didn’t diminish the pain any.
By the time we arrived at the hospital, I was truly in agony. X-rays showed that my arm had indeed seceded from my shoulder and someone was going to have to coax the two body parts back together. I suggested using a liberal amount of Gorilla Glue but was told they didn’t have any.
When the dr. told me they were going to put my shoulder back in its socket I felt like a Legos project gone horribly wrong. Off to my left side was a nurse who kept pulling vial after vial out of her pocket and they were all for me — I was about to experience the good stuff. She started with more morphine, then added a cocktail of Dilaudid and another drug beginning with a V and suddenly I felt just fine.
Being anxious, I asked the doc when she would start the procedure. She smiled as she told me they were already done. Yup — those were some good drugs.
To wrap this up — I’m home with another lovely supply of narcotics and the world’s most patient nurse (Devoted Spouse). I’m finding life challenging but we’ll get through it.
Keep thinking positive happy thoughts and I’ll check back with y’all in a couple of days. Thanks for all your kindness and prayers. Love you guys — Linda