Holiday Newsletters…Oh Joy

I enjoy getting Christmas cards in the mail.  I gave up on sending out Christmas cards several years ago.  Too much time involved and it’s certainly gotten too expensive.  Now only a couple of special friends are sent cards.

I’m proud to say I have never sent a holiday letter – you know those gawdawful newsletters you receive from people you hardly know telling you everything they did for the past year?   Hate them.   Truly hate them!!!   But just for grins, I wrote one this year that I would love to send out…

Dear (insert name here)

          Dangitall, can you believe it’s the holidays again?  Seems like we jest done this, huh?  Ha-ha.  Here’s what the Jester family has been up to since our last letter.

          Last January,  Hubby Jester got laid off at the fat-rendering plant.  He was so close to retirement it purt near kilt us to give up them good benefits and such.  But he got to take home a mess a pork bellies  and we were plum grateful.

          In March, me and Hubby Jester plus our kids, Chester, and Esther Jester went to see Hubby’s Cousins Betty and her Brother Bob down at the holler.  They got a mess a youngins and our kids all have such a good time together.  Chester is getting so big; he was able to help out Cousin Bob back at the still  and whooieee those days just flew by.

          May was kinda quiet and Mama was ailin’.  She took a spill on the ice and broke her hip awhile back.  It’s hard for her to get around on her other wooden leg so’s we try to help her where we can.  I got a nice old rocking chair in the back room by the wood burning stove and most days I just park Mama there in that chair but not too close to the fire ya know. That old chair used to rock till Chester used one of the rails for Mama’s replacement leg.  She’s gettin’ up there in years and we figger she’ll have to go to the home soon.

          In August we had us a wedding!  My sis, Nestor, married Hubby’s brother Lester Jester and we had such a good time.  They really put on a feast!  There were hot dogs and pigs feet and beans, and a big old ice cream wedding cake – – mmm-mmmm!   Ain’t we blessed?

          In  October our big old boy Chester had his 12th birthday.  We’re so proud of him we could bust.  We woulda had a party, but with Hubby Jester not working we jest had some grilled cheese sandwiches and I got a day-old cake for Chester. Shoot, he was in hog heaven!

          In November we got an addition to the family!  A puppy!!  Hubby Jester had been out huntin’ and this cute little scraggly thing jest followed him home and we kept him.  He’s got big brown eyes and big old paws and Hubby named him Fester.  Seems he’s already got a taste for rodents, so we won’t have to be buying much dog food thankfully! 

          So that brings us to now in December- Mama fell again and we found her a few days too late to do sumthin about it.  Guess she won’t be having to go to no home now.  The good part is Chester was able to re-use that wooden leg and fix the rocker.  That boy of mine!

Oh I almost forgot!!  Our pride and joy, Esther is gonna be a mama soon herself!  She’s done with the 10th grade and ya’ll know it’s never too soon to start poppin’ out those lil’ ones!  That scamp, she’s just like her ma!   

 Merry Christmas from your friends,

 Ma, Hubby, Esther, Chester, and Fester Jester

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16 thoughts on “Holiday Newsletters…Oh Joy

  1. Good one Linda 🙂 Sounds about as stupid as a lot of those letters are. I never got what those were actually for since if you are close enough to your family/friends then this is old news and if you aren’t close to them, why send them one? Never got the point.
    Bingo…pay the girl!

  2. I have to, for the most part, agree when it comes to Christmas letters, with few exceptions, they are boring. I’ve received my share of them over the years. However, unless my family, relatives and friends to whom I have sent “One And All letters” in lieu of a card in the past, have been merely kind when telling me how much they enjoyed them, I’ve reason to believe the fault lies entirely with the sender. Christmas letters can be both informative and interesting. They simply take time. Even so, I think I’d much rather read a dull letter than to receive a card to find nothing inside but a printed commercial wishing me a Merry Christmas and a hastily signed signature.
    most of my cards contain quick notes to show the receiver this card wasn’t just for the heck of it. That’s what I don’t like about the letters – they are so impersonal – if you have time to type and print all those letters, then you have time to hand-write just a tad bit of an update in a personal card. Newsy letters should not wait for Christmas – we should keep in touch with friends and relatives on a regular basis. Just one of my pet peeves. 🙂

  3. Esther, Chester, and Fester Jester…you kill me. That medicine must still be lingering on your brain.

    Never received one of letters…I think. I don’t check the mail. It is above my pay grade.
    I think I’m lacking an amino acid in my brain or something…we know there’s something not right about me… 😀

  4. I have to agree with Mary on the letters – it is all about the sender and their creativity. I have to admit, I have sent letters out for years because I am horrible about keeping in touch, so it is an easy way to let everybody know what is going on. But I am completely irreverent, make fun of the whole letter writing thing and sometimes have one of the pups write the letter which comes off even more funny as people get to see the past year through a dog’s viewpoint. Family and friends tell me they always wait excitedly for the letter, so either they are lying (like when people tell you they like your fruitcake) or they really do enjoy them.
    I believe much lies in the context — and in the relationship — they serve their purpose or people wouldn’t continue to send them – unless they’re simply fodder for irreverant folks like me! 😀

  5. I’m back again and, after reading those comments above, I’d be most delighted to get a Christmas letter from all of you. Not a dull sentence in the lot!
    Mary you are such a kind lady and always welcome here at C&BI – hugs, L

  6. Hoot! I have a sister-in-law who sends one of the dumbest letters I have ever seen. I could line up 6 years worth and with the exception of the addition of a grandchild they would all read the same. I have a friend who sent one last year and all it contained was an update on all the family medical conditions.
    I send cards with a personal greeting to family & friends. Keep up the great writing. I enjoy your posts so much!
    thanks kiddo! I maintain my position on the letters – don’t want them – either talk to me or write me or email me during the year or say adios once and for all. If I haven’t heard from you in a year, we’re not close enough to share all your family ailments and whathaveyou’s… 😀

  7. Every Christmas those letters used to come and I just started putting them in the garbage. I remember years and years ago when I was a tike, my momma read christmas letters that were written by hand. How novel.

    My dear Linda, you are a hoot!! I love this letter….it is just too much……good talent….
    My best Linda,
    Another that made me smile–
    Frank
    aw shucks…I’m a sucker for a big ole grin… 🙂

  8. By the way, love the new header…pretty!
    thanks, trying to get in the holiday spirit!

  9. Love this – I did a tongue in cheek Xmas newsletter one year, just to get back a certain braggy ones I always got. People thought I was totally serious (except for those who knew me really well!!)
    Thanks for visiting my blog- the header pic is a nearby fishin’ hole-it just fit well into the space!!!
    Giggling!

  10. Loved the wedding feast visual. Mmmmm mmmmm good! Stopping by to say hi from WOW!
    Hi Cheryl – I was afraid when I first wrote this it would offend people, then I said, tough noogies, let’s have some fun with it! Yeah, gotta love that wedding food – what a spread! Thanks for stopping by! It was nice to meet you.

  11. That would spice things up!
    You have no idea how much I wanted to send something quite like this out…but I was afraid my twisted humor wouldn’t be appreciated and I wimped out. There’s always next Christmas…

  12. That is some funny stuff!!!

    I am with you….I loathe those Christmas letters! Can’t. Freakin. Stand. Them. Especially the braggy ones, which are usually about someone’s “perfect” kids….*yawn*…so not interested. I do still send Christmas cards because I enjoy it. And I handwrite personal notes that are specific to the person I am sending the card to. I just think it means so much more!
    Christmas letters make me insane. I don’t care about your trip to Fiji, your 300 pound weight loss (divorce?) the fact your gecko died, or that you haven’t contacted me in twenty years but now want to wish me a merry freakin’ Christmas. Gah… I also send out just a few cards – I try to make them myself but don’t always have time or energy and they always have a hand-written note included. That’s what Christmas spirit is about – not colored computer paper with your year’s accomplishments typed. Ack – blood pressure already rising just thinking about it. LOL

  13. LOL! I have similar feelings about Christmas letters and posted as such this year…
    I will come visit your postings soon! I think I’m going to start a 4th of July letter. That might be fun…

  14. I also loathe Christmas letters. I don’t care if Junior made the National Honor Society or John got a promotion. They’re just an excuse to brag about how much better you are than everyone else–that’s some awesome holiday spirit, isn’t it?!

    Now, if I’d received this fantastic letter, I would frame it. AFTER making photocopies to send in reply to those who’ve sent me Christmas letters, of course!
    Oh Elle – you have NO idea how tempted I was…(evil laugh) 🙂

  15. Ok, hanging head in shame, I’ve been guilty of the newsy Christmas letter. This one made me laugh, I have 3 friends that we had planned to write outrageous letters and send to just each other, but we didn’t follow through. Maybe I’ll do better this year!
    Stopping by from WOW, your humor is infectious, in a good way!
    Hi again Anita – I’m glad u stopped in and I’m glad u liked the letter. After I posted this blog I went back and had second thoughts on using that posting coz it is rather offensive but I meant it to be truly and completely over the top and I am sorely tempted to one year actually mail it to someone. Cya l8r! Hugs!

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