That’s Not a Knife…THIS is a Knife!

Yesterday I came across some dog-eared gun and knife catalogs in the nest of Devoted Spouse (that’s nice-speak for bathroom). It dawned on me that going through these catalogs might garner some nifty Christmas ideas.

I love Swiss Army knives — I have one that I have used for many, many years. Each time I see a Swiss Army knife, it seems the knife elves have come up with another fantastic goodie to add to the knife. I’ve seen knives with 4, 6, even 10 different functions — with little items on there that I couldn’t figure out the purpose to save my soul. But I never thought I’d live to see the day you could get a Swiss Army Knife with 77 functions…that’s right…77 functions!

the-big-daddy2

It’s called, appropriately, The Big Daddy and only costs $279.99.  Here is a list of functions:
·Large blade
·Small blades
·Corkscrew
·Can opener/3mm screwdriver
·Cap lifter/6mm screwdriver/wire stripper
·Short reamer
·Keyring
·Tweezers
·Toothpick
·Scissors
·Multi-purpose hook (also parcel carrier)
·Wood saw
·Fish scaler/hook disgorger/ruler (cm & inches)
·Nail file/metal file/nail cleaner/metal saw
·2mm screwdriver
·Chisel
·Pliers/wire cutters/wire crimper
·Phillips screwdriver
·8x magnifier
·Ballpoint pen/DIP switch setting tool
·Straight pin
·Mini screwdriver
·Sewing eye
·Tool case 1, Bit wrench
·5mm female Hex drive for D-SUB connectors
·4mm female Hex drive for the bits
·(8) assorted bits (Phillips, slotted, hex and torx)
·Tool case 2, Bit wrench
·5mm female Hex drive for D-SUB connectors
·4mm female Hex drive for the bits
·(8) assorted bits (Phillips, slotted, hex and torx)
·Large serrated blade
·L.E.D. (battery included)
·5x magnifier
·Multi-purpose hook with nail file
·Long reamer
·Pruning blade
·Electrician’s blade/wire scraper
·Pharmaceutical Spatula
·Cap lifter/can opener/screwdriver/wire stripper
·Watch opener
·2mm screwdriver
·Digital clock
·Alarm
·Countdown
·Timer
·Altimeter
·Barometer
·Thermometer

Whew! That’s alot of stuff to be hauling around in a knife in the bottom of your pocket or purse! Did you note there is a ballpoint pen attached? What, no paper?

I actually think they put too many bits in and left some valuable stuff off. Out in the woods you don’t need 27 types of bits, hex, torx or otherwise; what you need for survival is toilet paper. Why have a digital clock and an alarm? A sewing eye? Two wire strippers — wouldn’t one suffice? And please explain to me the necessity of a pharmaceutical spatula in a Swiss Army knife. Huh?

So ladies, if you need a Christmas gift for your Adventure Guy, run, don’t walk, to the nearest knife store and pick up The Big Daddy. 

As for me, I’m tossing this catalog and will feign ignorance when Devoted Spouse wonders where it went.

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3 thoughts on “That’s Not a Knife…THIS is a Knife!

  1. The sharpest thing I carry in my purse is nail clippers. Hubby has a small Buck knife in a carrying case on his belt and a small pocket knife in his pocket. I personally try to avoid anything that sharp since I am such a Klutz. I once tried to open his pocket knife and cut my finger in the process. At home, scissors are my friend and no, not the little kid safety type though Hubby has suggested that those might be more my speed.
    I’m fine until I start running… 😀

  2. Where would you carry something like this?

    Survivorman could use this…Morethananelectrican would have a hard time putting this in his tool bag. It surely wouldn’t fit in my pocket!
    I’m thinking it needs its own backpack. I dunno – the whole thing bothers me on several levels — you could die in a survival emergency by virtue of having to open three bazillion gadgets until you get to the one you really want. It’s an accident waiting to happen. Unless it has its own functions map, but then that leads to other problems…ow my head…

  3. Good Grief! Does it weigh 20 lbs? You might be able to throw it at a bear and disable him.
    It would be a great self-defense weapon; when surprised by a mugger, just heave that thing at him — probably better than mace 🙂

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