Step Away From the Dog!

A story on Good Morning America  this morning announced a new method of hair removal — do-it-yourself home laser hair removal.  Sweet mercy, what are they thinking?  Putting lasers in the hands of the public has disaster written all over it. 

Is there a woman out there who remembers the Epi hair removal system?  A sucker for any new gadget, I actually bought one of these.  That evening in my bathroom with my new Epi hair remover is forever burned into my brain as one of the most painful evenings I ever endured.  Ouch to the power of 10.  This thing literally ripped out hair and my pain receptors worked overtime.  Epi was relegated to the trash.  I vaguely remember stomping on it first.

To quote the dictionary — a laser is “a device that produces a nearly parallel, nearly monochromatic, and coherent beam of light by exciting atoms to a higher energy level and causing them to radiate their energy in phase.”   I don’t think I want any excited atoms radiating their energy on my skin, do you? 

Yes, the thought of never having to shave again is tempting.  But just the idea that I’m using a laser scares me to no end.  You, who visit here frequently, know that I’m not the most graceful creature.  In fact, if clutz was an Olympic event I would hold all the gold medals.  So giving me a laser is probably not a good idea.  I’m easily distracted and could very well end up lasering off an eyebrow.  Plus, this has the extra bonus of being permanent removal — what would I do with only one eyebrow — my best Spock impression — all the time? 

Must I point out what could happen to the family pet?  I can see the kids having a great time with the laser on the dog — no more wet dog smell and no more shedding but who wants a dog that looks like they have a raging case of leprosy?  No, this is bad on several levels.

Don’t try this at home.


3 thoughts on “Step Away From the Dog!

  1. I had an Epi Lady and I too lasted only one try with that @#!*& thing before it went bye-bye. Did you see that they have brought it back in a smaller form to use on unwanted facial hair? I wouldn’t get near that for any amount of money.

    I’m pretty lucky that between age, lack of hormones and Native American heritage, I am now extremely less hairy than I used to be so bring on the razor, I’m fine with that.
    I live with the knowledge that God made long pants for a reason…

  2. I had almost forgotten about the magnificent Epi Lady. I had to respond to this post because I, too, had that tortuous device. It was like getting popped with the thickest, strongest rubberband in the world … with the thickest, strongest rubberband-puller doing the honors, all the while anticipating the next pop! My nerves are on edge all over again! Thanks, Linda! Hee-hee!

    Let me know when they make it painless, meanwhile, I’ll stick with Lady Razor!

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