A story on Good Morning America this morning announced a new method of hair removal — do-it-yourself home laser hair removal. Sweet mercy, what are they thinking? Putting lasers in the hands of the public has disaster written all over it.
Is there a woman out there who remembers the Epi hair removal system? A sucker for any new gadget, I actually bought one of these. That evening in my bathroom with my new Epi hair remover is forever burned into my brain as one of the most painful evenings I ever endured. Ouch to the power of 10. This thing literally ripped out hair and my pain receptors worked overtime. Epi was relegated to the trash. I vaguely remember stomping on it first.
To quote the dictionary — a laser is “a device that produces a nearly parallel, nearly monochromatic, and coherent beam of light by exciting atoms to a higher energy level and causing them to radiate their energy in phase.” I don’t think I want any excited atoms radiating their energy on my skin, do you?
Yes, the thought of never having to shave again is tempting. But just the idea that I’m using a laser scares me to no end. You, who visit here frequently, know that I’m not the most graceful creature. In fact, if clutz was an Olympic event I would hold all the gold medals. So giving me a laser is probably not a good idea. I’m easily distracted and could very well end up lasering off an eyebrow. Plus, this has the extra bonus of being permanent removal — what would I do with only one eyebrow — my best Spock impression — all the time?
Must I point out what could happen to the family pet? I can see the kids having a great time with the laser on the dog — no more wet dog smell and no more shedding but who wants a dog that looks like they have a raging case of leprosy? No, this is bad on several levels.
Don’t try this at home.