I have one of the ugliest lawns on my block. I’m not proud of my lawn. Actually, I don’t much care whether it’s green or not, but I feel sorry for my across-the-street neighbors because they have to look at my lawn whenever they glance out their windows.
For reasons unknown to the universe, Devoted Spouse lost interest in the all-American lawn race several years ago. He grew tired of following behind the little green spreader machine and he also grew weary of spending quality time with the lawn mower. I’m not complaining — I’d rather he spend his free time enjoying his retirement and if he doesn’t like yard work, I’m okay with that. I don’t like it either. In his defense, he does weed the garden and the flower beds and I hope he continues to do that because weeding is on my top ten list of activities I abhor.
So we made the decision long ago to hire someone to mow the yard and we hired a well-known company to put chemicals (shame on us) on the yard to make it look green and healthy. Now, I have no beef with the lawn mowing guy — he’s a nice guy we’ve gotten to know well and we don’t mind funding his retirement for the next few years or so. But the lawn chemical treating company simply sucks eggs. I don’t like them. I don’t like their representatives. I don’t like their service. I don’t like the smarmy way they worm their way out of an argument when I try and fire them over the phone. I don’t like the way I have to fold up my check to stuff it into the tiny envelopes they provide to pay their bill. Gah. Tomorrow I will fire them again.
Why, you ask? Because a very nice young man came to the door this evening. Yes, he represents another lawn service company but he had a respectful attitude, he had answers to my questions…good answers I might add. And, he gave me a better deal money-wise. I gave him an ultimatum — if my yard looks like crap by the middle of next summer he will be fired. He agreed. We’ll see. Oh yeah. He wore a nice green shirt. I think guys who work for lawn companies should wear green shirts. That way on St. Patrick’s Day, they can go drink beer in their green shirts and everyone will just think they’re Irish.
If this doesn’t work, I’m considering a really big rock garden, or maybe something with recycled tires — yeah that would spruce up the old neighborhood.