Pave Paradise and Put in a Parking Lot

I have one of the ugliest lawns on my block. I’m not proud of my lawn. Actually, I don’t much care whether it’s green or not, but I feel sorry for my across-the-street neighbors because they have to look at my lawn whenever they glance out their windows.

For reasons unknown to the universe, Devoted Spouse lost interest in the all-American lawn race several years ago. He grew tired of following behind the little green spreader machine and he also grew weary of spending quality time with the lawn mower. I’m not complaining — I’d rather he spend his free time enjoying his retirement and if he doesn’t like yard work, I’m okay with that. I don’t like it either. In his defense, he does weed the garden and the flower beds and I hope he continues to do that because weeding is on my top ten list of activities I abhor.

So we made the decision long ago to hire someone to mow the yard and we hired a well-known company to put chemicals (shame on us) on the yard to make it look green and healthy. Now, I have no beef with the lawn mowing guy — he’s a nice guy we’ve gotten to know well and we don’t mind funding his retirement for the next few years or so. But the lawn chemical treating company simply sucks eggs. I don’t like them. I don’t like their representatives. I don’t like their service. I don’t like the smarmy way they worm their way out of an argument when I try and fire them over the phone. I don’t like the way I have to fold up my check to stuff it into the tiny envelopes they provide to pay their bill. Gah. Tomorrow I will fire them again.

Why, you ask? Because a very nice young man came to the door this evening. Yes, he represents another lawn service company but he had a respectful attitude, he had answers to my questions…good answers I might add. And, he gave me a better deal money-wise. I gave him an ultimatum — if my yard looks like crap by the middle of next summer he will be fired. He agreed. We’ll see. Oh yeah. He wore a nice green shirt. I think guys who work for lawn companies should wear green shirts. That way on St. Patrick’s Day, they can go drink beer in their green shirts and everyone will just think they’re Irish.

If this doesn’t work, I’m considering a really big rock garden, or maybe something with recycled tires — yeah that would spruce up the old neighborhood.


6 thoughts on “Pave Paradise and Put in a Parking Lot

  1. You should come to my house. We live on 10 acres out in the country and have to mow 3 acres of it every 2 weeks. Been having to do this for 15 years and we are getting too old for this. Forget having a beautiful green lawn, we just want the prairie grass to die! Takes over 3 hours with the riding lawn tractor just to mow which doesn’t include weed-whacking. Yea snow!

  2. While I would love to have some acreage in the country away from neighbors’ swimming pools and screaming kids, I don’t relish the idea of taking care of all that greenery. So, I’ll just stay where I am for now thank you and look forward to assisted living or some such thing where I never have to think about it again.

  3. I’m seriously thinking of alternatives to the front lawn – I haven’t seen any particular covenants or restrictions that I have to have grass planted – there has to be a better way.

  4. Funny , my hubby H is a retired landscaper.
    He knows the kind of companies that you have had to deal with, ALL too well.
    LOTS of scam artists out there!
    I hope the young man is reputable !
    H says, Get a WRITTEN contract BEFORE you agree to anything.
    Good advise, no?

  5. Hi merri – Yes written contracts are a must these days – But even those get broken – we have dealt with this young man for 5 years now and only recently has trust and honesty become an issue. I’ve cut him loose and I’m reporting him to BBB for all the good it will do me. I hate to stop trusting people and taking them at their word, you know? But this one really kicked me in the teeth, outright lied, and is now trying to extort money from me based on something he thinks I agreed to verbally. As if! Very sad.

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