One of our favorite ways to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon is to visit one of the local Metro Parks and watch the folks on the river in their various and sundry watercraft. We usually bring a bite of lunch, spread out a blanket on the shore and relax for a few hours or until the ants take over the blanket.
Without fail, whenever we are by the water, Devoted Spouse brings up the same topic and we have the same discussion over and over ad nauseum. “Look at the kayaks — doesn’t that look like fun?” He asks me that question during each visit to any body of water. And I always have the same reply, “NO!” Then I point to the larger boats like a pontoon boat or a covered cigarette boat. Those are more my style; a place you can stretch out, or get out of the sun under the cover with room on the back for trusty canine companion. With one of those boats, you can hang out and do some fishin’. You can’t fish from a kayak; there is no room for the fishing pole and kayaks don’t have anchors. There is no room for a portable refrigerator on a kayak. What if I want a refreshing beverage while cruising down the river?
Perhaps my kayak reluctance has something to do with the fact I can’t swim. I don’t believe kayaks are very stable — in fact, today one guy got in his kayak and just got started when he turned over and took quite a dunking. No thank you. If I want to dunk anything it will be a donut in my coffee; not me in the river.
There is only one way I’m going kayaking. Tie at least 50 helium balloons to the kayak before I get in. And, I’d like a set of training wheels, please.