The Kayak Conundrum

One of our favorite ways to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon is to visit one of the local Metro Parks and watch the folks on the river in their various and sundry watercraft. We usually bring a bite of lunch, spread out a blanket on the shore and relax for a few hours or until the ants take over the blanket.

Without fail, whenever we are by the water, Devoted Spouse brings up the same topic and we have the same discussion over and over ad nauseum. “Look at the kayaks — doesn’t that look like fun?” He asks me that question during each visit to any body of water. And I always have the same reply, “NO!” Then I point to the larger boats like a pontoon boat or a covered cigarette boat. Those are more my style; a place you can stretch out, or get out of the sun under the cover with room on the back for trusty canine companion. With one of those boats, you can hang out and do some fishin’. You can’t fish from a kayak; there is no room for the fishing pole and kayaks don’t have anchors. There is no room for a portable refrigerator on a kayak. What if I want a refreshing beverage while cruising down the river?

Perhaps my kayak reluctance has something to do with the fact I can’t swim. I don’t believe kayaks are very stable — in fact, today one guy got in his kayak and just got started when he turned over and took quite a dunking. No thank you. If I want to dunk anything it will be a donut in my coffee; not me in the river.

There is only one way I’m going kayaking. Tie at least 50 helium balloons to the kayak before I get in. And, I’d like a set of training wheels, please.


10 thoughts on “The Kayak Conundrum

  1. You might look into folboat, or porta-boat. The ten foot folboat kayak is built like a tank. I don’t think it could be tipped by anyone without really trying.

    The porta-boats fold up and almost be stored in a closet. Both are very stable. I ended up with a folboat, but now that I am older the porta-boat is calling me….

  2. Thanks for the suggestions Mike. I actually looked at the porta-boat and the answer is still No. You don’t know me – I’m a clutz of the highest order. I could drown simply trying to get on the porta-boat. Devoted Spouse may get a kayak — I will patiently encourage him and wave from the shoreline. *grins*

  3. Just stay where you are. Let the other knuckleheads do that out there. Maybe you guys could find a peaceful lake or river to try this. I would go with my eight year old son before I would attempt this with my wife.

  4. My sentiments exactly, hold tight and don’t give in. Can you imagine a kayak and not being able to be safe or at leisure with an icy glass of___________. Officially I do not swim, only float, and many times M has tried to get me into some floating container for merriment–nope, but balloons aren’t bad, I would rather float endlessly in a hot air ballloon and if it should crash then I can breathe until that moment rather than well you know. They say drowning is the least painful of passages. I do not tend to find out!! Linda, Sit on the bank!!

  5. Hi MTAE – I’m a landlubber through and through and shall remain so, regardless of the thousands of times Devoted Spouse tries to persuade me into the water. I’m stickin’ to my guns on this one!

  6. Hi Frank – I’m actually desperately afraid of the water – had a nasty accident in a swimming pool as a child and I’ve never been comfortable since then. I’ll stay onshore with my glass of Chardonnay and be perfectly happy, thank you. I like the idea of the hot air balloon – we see many of them here in the midwest. I don’t know – it may take me a little longer to agree to go up in one. *grins* Linda

  7. My significant other and I always thought canoeing looked like fun, so one time down in the Keys we rented a canoe. Not only was this the greatest test of commitment I ever endured – we both continued to claim that the other was steering as we crashed into mangrove after mangrove – but I also thought I might die. I do have a level of comfort in the water, but the ocean is a bit scary to me. As we continued to snake along this river, we quickly realized that the ocean was just a breathe away at the end. I had horrible visions of us stuck in the middle of the ocean paddling in circles as we screamed at each other and attracted sharks. Needless to say, the idea of a peaceful kayak journey is out of the question. Big boats for me too thanks!

  8. Hi Donna – thanks for the story – I’ll be sure and share it w/Devoted Spouse — more fuel for the fire! *grins* Linda

  9. Hubby is right.

    For three hundred bucks or so you can stop merely watching sunsets and begin entering them. In the cool of the evening as you paddle silently across mirror-still waters reflecting the sunset right after the rain storm it is…cheap, easy magic. Totally uplifting.

  10. I don’t think so – I’ll sip my wine on the shore and put the $300 smackeroos towards something I’d really enjoy.

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