Devoted Spouse and I have been attached at the hip for over a quarter of a century. That’s alot of time to spend in the company of another person. Enough time so you know just about every little thing there is to know. I recently gained a bit more insight into why otherwise normal, loving, fun-to-be-with husbands can suddenly turn into annoying, irritating hunks of monkey butt.
It was a lovely Friday here in retiredville. Devoted Spouse was off for a morning of black powder gun shooting and I was looking forward to a morning of retail wanderlust. I topped off my shopping expedition with a trip to the local grocery. I pulled into the driveway and happily spotted Devoted Spouse’s little sports car in its appointed spot. Hallelujah – he could help carry in groceries.
Entering our kitchen, grocery bags in both arms, I noticed steam rising from a large pot of water boiling on the stove. My mind registered boiling water and connected that vision with the huge bag of freshly-picked string beans on the counter. How sweet; Devoted Spouse was going to get the beans started for dinner.
As I turned around to put the bags on the counter what I saw will be forever burned on my retinas. Spread out on my nice clean kitchen counters were assorted pieces of weaponry in various stages of cleaning. Guns and their little jigsaw-puzzley pieces were everywhere I wanted to put those grocery bags. As I parked the bags on the kitchen table I nodded toward the boiling water and asked Devoted Spouse if he was about to start cooking the beans. He gave an exasperated sigh and explained that he needed boiling water to clean his gun. He proceeded to give me a “gun” lesson. Apparently, black powder guns are different from regular bullet guns and their parts must be cleaned with boiling water.
I envisioned him picking up the gun with my good kitchen tongs and lowering it into my very expensive large Calphalon pot of boiling water and I about lost my religion. Devoted Spouse has lots of manspace in the house where he could clean weapons; there is a large basement, a large garage, and a large shed in the backyard. Yet there he was in my kitchen using my kitchen tools.
I took a deep breath and realized I was going to have to compromise. I know the kitchen actually belongs to both of us. Devoted Spouse continued to explain exactly how he was going to clean his weaponry. He had found a 9×12 glass baking dish in which he was going to lay the gun pieces and then pour boiling water over them. Then the gun pieces would be placed in another of my expensive pans and dried in the oven. That’s right, on top of everything else, he intended to dry the guns and accoutrements in the oven.
The epitome of monkey butt.