Science Uncovers New Genetic Syndrome

Scientists announced yesterday they have discovered a new gene responsible for a condition almost as widespread as Attention Deficit Disorder. This particular medical condition, known as Infomercial Susceptibility Syndrome, affects millions of Americans, particularly those who watch television late at night.

I acquired Infomercial Susceptibility Syndrome some years ago and have tried many medical and alternative health regimens to overcome this condition. Experts agree the easiest way to alleviate symptoms from this condition are to turn off one’s television and in extreme cases, hide all credit cards. Unfortunately, those afflicted with this syndrome often cannot help their compulsive behavior.

Nothing is as soothing late at night when I can’t sleep as a quick half hour of visiting the kitchen of Chef Tony and his Miracle Blade. I also enjoy watching Chuck Norris work out. Then there’s the lady who hawks the mineral make-up; she has amazing demonstrations of her wonder make-up versus that icky, clumpy liquid foundation.

Infomercials reassure me that I can be beautiful, cook anything, have long life and health with supplements, look 10 years younger and 30 pounds lighter w/spandex undergarments, and have a ready source of Christmas gifts for my family and friends. All this with just one quick phone call and a credit card.

But hurry, you only have 2 minutes left on Today’s Special…


3 thoughts on “Science Uncovers New Genetic Syndrome

  1. Sounds like you tooth pain is keeping you awake and your have become the informercial junkie that comes with sleepless nights…
    Hope your pain subsides and sleep returns…
    There should be a warning that infomercials may be hazardous to your checking account…*smile*

  2. I, for one, make a special effort to hide my credit card in a spot I’m sure I won’t remember before I dare watch any program that’s selling something guaranteed to improve either my cooking or my looks via the television. I consider myself to be of normal intelligence, but once trapped by a salesperson on the other end of a telephone conversation, I’m a cooked goose. And, he/she has a way of not only selling you the desired product, before you know it, you’re talked into purchasing two. Been there. Done that.

  3. Mary – I like the idea of hiding the plastic – what I’ve been doing is taking the cordless phone off the hook and taking it upstairs – then I return downstairs to watch the infomercials. The ‘amazing’ item has to be truly amazing for me to climb those stairs again! *grins* Linda

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