Scientists announced yesterday they have discovered a new gene responsible for a condition almost as widespread as Attention Deficit Disorder. This particular medical condition, known as Infomercial Susceptibility Syndrome, affects millions of Americans, particularly those who watch television late at night.
I acquired Infomercial Susceptibility Syndrome some years ago and have tried many medical and alternative health regimens to overcome this condition. Experts agree the easiest way to alleviate symptoms from this condition are to turn off one’s television and in extreme cases, hide all credit cards. Unfortunately, those afflicted with this syndrome often cannot help their compulsive behavior.
Nothing is as soothing late at night when I can’t sleep as a quick half hour of visiting the kitchen of Chef Tony and his Miracle Blade. I also enjoy watching Chuck Norris work out. Then there’s the lady who hawks the mineral make-up; she has amazing demonstrations of her wonder make-up versus that icky, clumpy liquid foundation.
Infomercials reassure me that I can be beautiful, cook anything, have long life and health with supplements, look 10 years younger and 30 pounds lighter w/spandex undergarments, and have a ready source of Christmas gifts for my family and friends. All this with just one quick phone call and a credit card.
But hurry, you only have 2 minutes left on Today’s Special…