I’m Being Held Hostage by a Spider

I hate spiders. Spiders are evil invertebrate predators and one is stalking me. I don’t like knowing its eight little legs and its eight creepy little eyes are up above me on the ceiling just biding its time until it silently drops down and attacks me. Ooooh – what if it is a female spider – that means potentially hundreds of even smaller of its kind are lurking up there until they burst out of their web sac and rappel down their silken strands toward my unsuspecting head. Where there’s one…who knows how many of its brethren are in hiding in the basement lurking among my laundry. Oh, ick.

I’m so freaked about this stupid spider that I won’t enter the living room where my beloved recliner waits for me; to do so means I must walk under where the spider waits up on its ceiling of opportunity.

Okay, Devoted Spouse has just reconnoitered and reports that he sees a nest, not just a spider. Well, now I’m ready to leave my abode. It’s fight or flight and I’m thinking flight sounds good. Devoted Spouse suggests a two-person spider destroying mission; me to approach from the upstairs loft area and stealthily attack with the only object a spider fears more than the sole of a shoe; my trusty broom. Then as I sweep the unsuspecting arachnid toward his or her destruction, Devoted Spouse will crush and dispose of the falling remains. Can I just say here for the record I’m not that confident in this plan?

Off to battle…

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2 thoughts on “I’m Being Held Hostage by a Spider

  1. I could not help but laugh. A few months ago I found a huge brown spider in my livingroom. Now, here’s where you and I “part company”. I do not fear spiders, although I have a great deal of respect for the poisonous varity. I carefully trapped my unwelcome guest by placing a glass jar over him and sliding a thin piece of cardboard under the jar. Once in the jar, I screwed a lid on that I had previously punched holes into. I keep the jar for just such occasions! I had read of the death of one woman from being bitten by a brown—I forget its scientific name—spider and was not about to rescue and release the one in my livingroom without finding out first with what I was dealing. Out came the Zoo Book with all kinds of information concerning spiders. My guest was not poisonous. A short walk over and into the park just across from my house and he, or she, was left to find and make a new home in a cluster of bushes.

  2. Mary, you’re a better person than I – there will be no catch and release in this house. Where spiders are concerned it’s strictly search and destroy. I know they eat other insects – I’ll deal with the fly problems separately! *grin* Linda

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