This is a true story — it happened to me and it could happen to you. Be warned.
The unthinkable happened this morning while I was enjoying a light breakfast of French Toast with assorted berries and diet syrup (oxymoron). I had just sipped a delicious cup of coffee and was salivating over my plate of French Toast when the attack occurred.
I was sprayed viciously by a group of grotesque little warriors disguised as berries. Not once, not twice, but three times as I stuck the tines of my fork into their little berry bellies they maliciously spit dark crimson juice all over my lovely white polo shirt. Berry juice to the left of me; berry juice to the right of me. I was outnumbered by the berry hordes. My breakfast table resembled a battlefield with little berry bodies splayed all over the battleground. Little berry bastards weren’t going to get me, though. I may have been berry-bloodied but I saved the day and ultimately won the war. I threw what was left of their merry band of warriors down the sink into the garbage disposer and threw the switch.
I’m polishing my armor for lunch; we’ll just see who wins the tuna fish battle.