I love Sundays. Sunday is the best day of the week for me usually. I enjoy going to church Sunday morning and seeing friends. There is always excellent free coffee at my church and it’s okay to take your coffee into the sanctuary. Many times there are some nice warm Krispy Kremes to go with that coffee. A little God, a little sugar and caffeine; it doesn’t get much better.
After church it’s home again to read the Sunday paper and lounge on the couch with Devoted Spouse and faithful canine companion. Sometimes we’ll watch a movie; occasionally it’s a race or a sporting event on tv. The idea is Sunday is for relaxing and enjoying the day. Life is slow and good on Sundays. Until yesterday.
It was a normal Sunday, and I was having a wonderful afternoon in my recliner playing chess on my laptop. For some unknown reason, I was drawn to the family room. There wasn’t any noise; nothing in particular alerted me, I just put down the laptop, got up and moseyed into the other room. Devoted Spouse was napping – what a cute napper he is. EmmaLou, the Golden Destroyer was in her usual reclined position on the family room floor not far from Devoted Spouse. What caught my eye was a small piece of shiny material laying on the floor next to EmmaLou, and the fact that her jaws were working overtime. Casually, I walked over to where she lay and what did I discover? Half of a pair of $4,000 hearing aids belonging to Devoted Spouse. Oh, this hearing aid wasn’t just on the floor, it was on the floor in about 15 pieces complete with the battery; that shiny object I first spied. The Golden Destroyer had demolished a hearing aid and was joyously chomping on what remained. Now, at first I was afraid she had swallowed pieces — that could be quite dangerous to her health. But, not my little girl — no, she just masticated everything and spat it back out for my inspection. I swear there was a grin on that goofy dog face — much like when they bring you trophies from their backyard hunts. EmmaLou was so proud of her hearing aid. Devoted Spouse slept peacefully on the couch unaware of the drama unfolding 2 feet away from him.
You know how sometimes you get so very angry that you wish bad things would happen to someone – like lightning strike them on their pitiful heads? That’s similar to what went through my mind as I extricated the last few remnants of the hearing aid from her salivating mouth. I mentally added up the damage caused by this “pet” over the last 4 and 1/2 years and the dollar amount made me stagger. I had fleeting thoughts of driving Miss EmmaLou to the puppy farm, pushing her adorable golden furry body out the door without hardly slowing down. Yes, this was the last straw – something had to be done about EmmaLou.
I held her jaw, looked into her brown eyes, raised my voice and said, “You are soooo toast, Emmalou.” “Shame on you for eating Daddy’s hearing aid.” Then, believe it or not, I actually blamed Devoted Spouse, who was now wide awake and irritated as all get-out. Of course it was all his fault the hearing aid fell out and landed within her grasp. Can you imagine how well that piece of logic went over?
My name is Linda and I am a Golden Destroyer enabler. I am sooooo toast…