Just Pee in the Cup Already!

Sweet EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer has had some health issues of late.  The most annoying one (for all of us) is a stomach problem — she has issues with digesting her food and she burps louder and longer than a longshoreman.  Poor Em!

She willingly went to the vet’s because she likes it there.  I don’t like it at my doctor’s office, but I’m not a dog.  Anyway, the vet is aware of the issue; Em’s been on meds prior to this visit.  But, the problem returns.  He suggests obtaining a blood sample, giving her her annual shots (which were due), refilling her heartworm and flea prevention meds, and oh, here’s a plastic tray…please get a sample of her urine.

Excuse me?

This morning bright (well, actually it was dark) and early, the whole family goes out to the backyard to obtain a pee sample from EmmaLou.  I was on leash and flashlight duty; Devoted Spouse had the little (and I do mean little) plastic tray at the ready.  Em sniffs around, squats down, I yell at Devoted Spouse, “NOW!”, he slides the tray under her and EmmaLou jumps straight up in the air taking her precious pee with her.

Take Two:  “C’mon sweetie puppy girl…pee in the cup.”  Yes, dogs can get a hateful look on their faces.  Finally she squatted again and we repeated the above exercise.  It didn’t work the second time, either.

Devoted Spouse took EmmaLou out on her morning walk, where she peed like someone who’s had their bladder stopped up for a month.  Peed all up and down the street.  Did we get a sample?  No…forgot the tray.

While running errands, I stopped in the vet’s office.  They laughed and laughed but finally agreed I could bring her up late in the day and THEY would try the little plastic tray trick.

EmmaLou and I, meanwhile, have decided we should never speak of this barbaric intrusion into her personal life again.  Sigh…

This Too Shall Pass

EmmaLou trying to figure out how to put on my Liberty Univ cap

EmmaLou wondering if my Liberty Univ cap is edible

Do you miss me?

I said I’d be gone for the remainder of the week.  I lied.  Oh, not intentionally; I would never do that (dripping sarcasm).  In this case, though I merely underestimated what was going on at school and the amount of time I would going to need to devote to my studies until the end of this class.  I waaaaaaaaay underestimated the amount of time.

So, there’s good new and bad.  The good news is one of these days I’ll actually have a real blog posting on this site.  The bad news is don’t get your hopes up for the next couple of weeks.  What??  How can I do this to you,  you say.  Well kids it seems I have alot more reading to do than I imagined.  Not only is there textual reading but there is biblical reading.  Now I’ve read the bible; but I need to go back and re-read closely and ponder on all four Gospels, Hebrews, James, 1 & 2 Peter, 1, 2, & 3 John, Jude & Revelation and that’s alot of bible studying — add to this I still have about 400-500 more pages of textbook reading PLUS my research paper to finish, 2 more quizzes to prepare for, and 2 more Discussion Questions (of about 400 words each) to write and 2 more responses (of about 200 words each) to other students to complete.  All of this by 9 October!  Kids – I’m swamped and have no time to myself to ponder daily life so I can turn those little mind wanderings into humorous vignettes for your amusement.

While I slam on school for the next few weeks, please visit every once in awhile because you just never know when I might have a moment where I simply MUST post something silly just to keep myself from taking life too seriously.  It may only be a joke or a pic of Emma – but don’t give up on me totally just yet.

I plan on taking an extended rest during the Fall and that will give me time I need to post this blog on a regular basis once more – so be patient – I will be back, I promise.

…they found her dessicated body still hunched over her keyboard…

Emma Thompson plays a writer suffering from writer's block who gets a little help from Queen Latifah in "Stranger than Fiction." But if she really wants to cure it, she needs to find a higher ledge. Courtesy Columbia Pictures

Emma Thompson plays a writer suffering from writer's block who gets a little help from Queen Latifah in "Stranger than Fiction." But if she really wants to cure it, she needs to find a higher ledge. Courtesy Columbia Pictures

Crone and Bear It, the struggling seminary student, is madly at work on her latest symphony trashy love novel Crazy-glued dog booties research paper, research paper, concentrate…research paper.  She is 8 pages into what needs to be at the very least 12 pages and preferably 20 pages and she is subsisting on diet cookies Weight Watchers ice cream sandwiches the peanut butter that got smeared on her tee shirt from the dog’s chew bone.   Her brain is weak  tired bleeding fried and she cannot think of a single funny thing to write because every thing she is doing is centered around the “at least 6 scholarly sources needed” and she is at this time up to 10 scholarly sources and still writing, writing, writing, and there is no doubt a slight chance the distinct possibility a foregone conclusion that she is going to simply throw up suffer an epileptic seizure have an aneurysm if she doesn’t finish this paper so she can go on to finish the required course work and the remaining 2 Quizes from Hades in these next 3 weeks.

Crone and Bear it regrets to inform you announces really doesn’t give a hoot whether you realize it or not will be taking the rest of this week off in the hopes anticipation chances of slim to none profound knowledge that she will finish this task at hand and return to you kind people.

You need only look at my table to know I’m not making this up.  Why would anyone voluntarily surround themselves with this much scholarly crap if not in the throes of research-paperitis.

they found Linda...

they found Linda...

Yes there is even more research crapola on the floor around me and the file box has old school stuff crammed into it.  Acckkkkk.  Don’t weep for me Argentina…don’t expect me on Twitterville…please just scatter my mortal remains over the nearest cliff or just dump me off in front of the ice cream store which would make a wonderful final resting place.

C’ya l8r…hi ho, hi ho, oh shut up and get back to work…

Happy Anniversary to Me

Most people take note of anniversaries and I am going to do the same.  It was just a tad over a year ago that I started this blog.  I had recently retired from the defense contracting world (I am still convinced my government customer was directly responsible for climate change due to the excess hot air she regularly blew into the atmosphere).  Suddenly I had time on my hands and no real plans.  Enter the blog.

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with this blog — I’ve never truly wished to accomplish anything in particular in my life — awakening on a daily basis was enough of an accomplishment for me usually.  This blog would be my chance to say what was on my mind and maybe be a little silly or simply make someone smile with a stupid story.  Stupid things happen to me constantly — why not share them?  

In my job at the big bad air force base while imparting information to all the other contractor and government weenies, I frequently wrote a story or told a fairy tale with a bad pun in order to put a little fun in my day.  Anything to keep me from running out to the flight line and standing in front of an oncoming plane.  That’s how mind-sucking it was working at the cubicle farm.       

So here we are.  Obviously by now the five of you who read this blog have figured out I really had nothing to say in this post so I fell back on the old “hey, it’s my anniversary” blog. 

I know — it only works once.

Out to Lunch

Well, my friends, I find I’m up against some nasty little deadlines this coming week – I face two midterm exams, one paper, 4 lectures, and over 500 pages of reading. So, in the interest of time management I must give the blog a rest and concentrate on my studies. Ms. “I have some free time; I’ll just snag myself a graduate degree” needs to crack the books and stop with the frivolity until after next Sunday’s exams. Kind thoughts and prayers are appreciated and definitely needed.

Crone and Bear It will be back; promise.

Bubba Don’t Do Wheat Toast

If you wish to study humanity or if you are a novelist looking for background, get in your vehicle and immediately locate a Hasty Tasty Pancake House. Devoted Spouse and I went to our own HTPC, also known as Bunny’s, for breakfast Saturday and I was so engaged in people watching I hardly had a chance to eat. We actually hit the HTPC about once a month for just that reason; the clientele. Okay, the french toast on homemade bread is pretty amazing also.

The Hasty Tasty is not a fancy place. By the looks of the tee-shirts sporting union slogans and affiliations, this is where the locals and the blue-collar workers go to get a reasonably-priced, good-tasting, large portion of old-fashioned home cooking. This is not an establishment which specializes in low-fat or sugar-free anything. Grease, lard, butter, sugar and cream are in abundance here. So are Blue Plate Specials and breakfast is served all day.

Saturday we were joined by some very large diners – and these booths aren’t that big. It was interesting to see people with an extra 100 or 150 pounds on them try and maneuver in and out of these booths. I don’t want to seem cruel here, but come on, we all people watch. You know you do it, too.

There were plenty of older folks there – it is a lower priced establishment after all and people on fixed incomes need to eat. Most of the customers were couples, like us, only in much more interesting attire. There were plenty of long, grey, somewhat greasy ponytails under ball caps. Yes, those were the men. Many of the ladies also had long hair and I wondered aloud to Devoted Spouse why so many of them looked like they hadn’t washed their hair lately. He nonchalantly reminded me it was Saturday and maybe Saturday night was hair-washing time. Ick.

A rather motley trio occupied the table two booths away from us. I think it was a family; mama and her two sons. Both men looked like a version of Curly from the Three Stooges only on steroids. Curly Number 1 was one of the largest men I have ever seen and he reminded me of something out of the World Wrestling Federation. He was wearing a stained tee-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and I’m telling you there is only so much we can expect elastic to hold back. Curly 1 was asking way too much of those pants. Like a badly-constructed dam, his sweatpants were in danger of exploding, unleashing a flood of flab only a killer whale mama could love. I couldn’t hear them; I only was able to watch what food was delivered. Curly 1 received a small dish of cottage cheese with pineapple on top which he then proceeded to liberally dose with pepper. I coughed in reaction. I thought, well at least he is trying to eat something healthy. Then the second course arrived and both Curly 1 and Curly 2 were staring down at platters of double cheeseburgers and home fries. Curly 2 received a large mug of hot chocolate topped off with whipped cream with his cheeseburger. I was so busy watching this, I spilled syrup all over the table. By this time, Devoted Spouse was ready to leave and I knew I wouldn’t have a chance to see what else these folks would shovel down their gullets.

As we were getting ready to go, a Yuppie family arrived and were scrambling to find a booth to hold mom, dad, baby, and grandpa. All I could think of was “This ain’t no place for striped polo shirts.” Other customers were actually staring at this family as if they were very out of place. We just smiled and walked away.

Makes me wish I had that novel started. What a great atmosphere.