An article in my local paper’s lifestyle section the other day was entitled, “The 10 Foods Involved in the Most Automobile Accidents”. Sounded interesting.
Okay, I’ll bite…
1. Oysters…because they’re too slippery to turn the steering wheel.
2. Whole grain bread...their nuts get in the way when they buckle their seatbelt.
3. Lamb chops…have too hard a time reaching the pedals.
4. Octopus…too many arms to signal turns properly…you don’t know where the hell they’re going.
5. Butter beans…you know darned well they never took the driving test because they were shy about having their picture taken for the license.
6. Beer…technically not a food, but still beer has been known to weave all over the road.
7. French fries…no matter how hard they try, they can’t see out the windows.
8. Oatmeal…no consistency in their driving whatsoever.
9. Cheddar cheese…too sharp with other drivers which can lead to road rage which grates on everyone’s nerves…
10. Bacon…tends to overheat in the South, leading to shrinkage and a loss of control.
Excuse me? What? Whadd’ya mean? You said 10 foods that cause car accidents…Ohhhhhhh you mean while people are eating those foods. Oh…I get it now.
Nevermind.
Crone and Bear It 