I’m Not Smart Enough for a Smart Phone

I am so confused about smart phones.  All I know is I want one.  But I don’t know which one I want.  There are millions of different phones out there, all of which are better than my pink (blechhh) piece of crap very old flip phone from Cinci Bell.  It does nothing except ring sometimes and then when I flip open the phone, the volume button is located on the side of the phone so I usually hit that button just holding onto my phone which lowers the volume and then I can’t hear whoever is on the phone.  Ackk. Very bad design and most irritating.  This phone takes photos but not very good ones and there is no way to get them to my computer – seriously – they have to stay on my phone for eternity.  The key numbers are all scratched off and the flip part of the flip phone is wobbly at best.  In other words, I really need a new phone.  It won’t even allow me to download a new ringtone – oh I called Cinci Bell and talked to someone who assured me…ASSURED me that I could download a new ringtone.  So I went to the website he told me about and downloaded (and paid for btw) a new ringtone from Pirates of the Caribbean and did it work?  No. Talk about pirates… I still got charged for it.  Grrrrr.   Stupid tech people.

So I want a new phone.  It doesn’t have to do everything; I don’t want it to print money even though I could use some money now with school starting.  I asked Devoted Spouse…”How do I choose which phone?”  He simply said, “Go online and do some research.”  So I went online.

Now my eyes are bleeding from looking at and reading about all the new phones and the different functions and the billions of potential apps for any particular phone.  AT&T is getting a bad rep on tv commercials for not having enough service; Verizon has this fancier map supposedly proving they provide better service.  I don’t believe anybody.  I have a friend who just got a new iPhone and is all excited but I have heard they aren’t really good phones.  I like the commercials for the new ‘Droid phones – I like Google.  Do I need a BB?  I would like to be able to access my email but it’s from my cable company – can I get Roadrunner email from an AT&T account?  D’ya see why I’m confused here?  I have a Gmail account too and I want to access that.  Then there’s Facebook and Twitter and I need to see my school stuff on the Web and I feel like I’m just running around in circles.  It’s not like I want this thing to do the laundry – just give me my emails, let me tweet, check my FB page, Google a coffeeshop nearby and maybe even make a phone call.

While at the mall the other day I walked into the AT&T store and looked around and then I got a panic attack and had to leave.  I couldn’t breathe.  I went into the Cinci Bell store and the same thing happened.  I don’t know what to do.  I want a Smart Phone that won’t make me feel so Stupid.

So here’s the deal.  Everybody who reads this blog — all 8 of you — tell me what type of Smart Phone you use and why.  What does it do?  What is your favorite feature?  What do you think I should buy?

Maybe I should just go buy a new car — I’m good at those negotiations – car options I understand.  Help. I’m in Smart Phone Hades.

You Say It’s Your Birthday…Well, It’s My Birthday, Too Yeah!

Yes, today is my birthday – the day after Christmas. A day when many are suffering commercially-induced buying comas and the residual effects of one too many eggnogs. That’s my day.

Devoted Spouse learned many years ago that I don’t think it’s cute to receive birthday gifts wrapped in Christmas paper or a card wishing me a combined Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday. He goes out of his way to ensure my special day is just that…special. He makes breakfast for me, brews my favorite coffee, surprises me with wonderful presents (what other lady gets ammunition wrapped in lovely birthday paper with color-coordinating bows?), and prepares me for a day of total pampering. In other words, he makes my birthdays memorable and so much fun. Thank you, DS.

I normally take a few moments on my birthday to reflect on my past year. This past year was one of electronic frustration for me.

I once prided myself on my ability to understand instructions and put things together. We went wireless last year but this year we had some router troubles. I have difficulty with the instructions for electronic stuff. Devoted Spouse and I used to work with an IT guy who we now rely on to come to the house and help us with our electronic emergencies. Without Mike, I’d be lost – and heaven help us when we move south, I’m going to have to simply haul his butt with me to ensure I have a laptop that works. Pitiful.

Cell phones are another example of my electronic ineptitude. I have had the same cell phone for about 2 years now – it works fine for what I need. About 6 months ago I finally figured out how to use the camera. Now if I could just successfully download a ringtone I like, life would be good. I don’t understand the instructions.

We had a VCR way back when they first came out and it was so much fun being able to pop a videotape in the machine and watch a movie. The instruction booklet was in three languages. Thank goodness I read Spanish because I sure as heck couldn’t understand it in English. VCRs became obsolete and the world went to CD and DVD. We got a DVD player with an instruction booklet that took me a week to digest. Then the DVD player stopped playing DVD’s. Devoted Spouse and I went to Circuit City and invested in a DVR – one of those machines where you can put a DVD in and watch a movie or you can also record something from tv onto the DVD. I thought that was the end of it but I was wrong. Now all I see and hear is Blu-Ray and high definition, and the anxiety of reading about more electronics is giving me a sweat mustache.

I thought of requesting a Kindle for my birthday — that’s Amazon’s answer to reading books electronically and it looks like a pretty neat gadget. But, that would mean I’d now have to electronically read instructions to figure out how to work another electronic gadget and that just makes my head hurt.

As far as I’m concerned, the future can’t come soon enough. I want that chip placed in my arm or my neck or my toe or wherever it will eventually go to spare me reading any more instruction booklets.

Who Ya Gonna Call?

The incidents in this house where things stop working for no apparent reason are starting to get out of control. Today I lost my digital phone service and the internet service disappeared — right when I was trying to get an assignment done for school. Talk about panic. At times I wonder if this house is possessed – am I the subject of a haunting? Or just incredibly stupid luck?

When I couldn’t log into school, I checked the phone which was also out, then found the number for our cable company and made a call using my cell phone. I figured it’s Sunday afternoon and no one will even answer the phone. Well, I was well taken care of customer-wise – what a surprise. What is funniest about this latest glitch in electronics/technology is the problem wasn’t the fault of the cable company. Nor was the fault with the modem – what actually happened is one of the outlets on my surge protector suddently stopped working. And it was the outlet I used for the cable/phone modem.
How odd is that? Why that particular outlet?

I’m thinking it’s about time to call in an exorcist. Well, first I’ll invest in a new surge protector. But then I’m callin’ in the big guns.

What Else Could Possibly Go Wrong??

Don’t you just hate it when you open your freezer and it resembles a rain forest? That’s what happened at my house last night. Went to get something out of the freezer and Whammo – ice, and water everywhere, and all the cardboard containers of lovely frozen food were soggy. I hate soggy cardboard. Soggy cardboard is a good indication the food inside has partially defrosted and may be on the way to partially re-freezing. Not a safe environment. As a child I was the victim of partially defrosted/refrozen/defrosted chicken and let me tell you it was not a pleasant experience.

Lately, I feel like that Li’l Abner character, Joe Btfsplk — the guy who walks around with the cloud over his head.

So many of my electronic/electrical gadgets/appliances are going Tango Uniform (or Toes Up if you prefer). When I decided to go back to school for my Masters, my up-until-then-perfectly-good laptop exhibited a death rattle. A part of my school involves watching lectures from DVDs (the first batch have arrived) — so of course, the DVD player went on the blink. In the case of the freezer, it was time to clean it out, but I wasn’t prepared to throw everything out. Grrrr. BTW, this refrigerator is a GE Profile and it’s the second GE Profile I’ve had in the last 10 years that has had this particular problem with temperature extremes in the freezer. Always after the warranty runs out. You would think I’d learn, huh? Nope, not me.

I’m almost afraid to wonder what’s next. My washer/dryer are getting a little age on them…

DVD, DVD-R, DVD-RW, VCR…I Hate Acronyms

Once again I have been transported to electronics Hades. You’ll recall my recent woes with my laptop — well, I now have a new laptop (with all the bells and whistles) on the way (ouch, sticker shock).

The latest electronic casualty in my house is the combo DVD/VCR which went on the fritz for good this morning. It had been exhibiting the usual electronic aches and pains; sometimes a particular DVD wouldn’t play, or the remote acted wonky. This morning Devoted Spouse and I decided to watch a DVD of one of our favorite PBS shows, Rosemary & Thyme. Much to my dismay, the DVD player just wouldn’t cooperate. It was a last straw moment in my household. How many times can one be expected to put up with a piece of machinery that is temperamental at best? So off to the Internet went Devoted Spouse for a bit of DVD player intelligence gathering.

An hour or so later, Devoted Spouse knew everything there was to know about DVD players. We had decided to ditch the VHS part and go strictly for playing and recording DVDs. Of course, this necessitates more cash outlay as we still have quite a few VHS tapes which will need to be replaced by their DVD counterparts. I was somewhat confused by the choices — it seems to me it should be relatively simple to find a machine to watch and record DVD’s. But it isn’t. There are many models to choose from.

We got to Circuit City and found several models but I didn’t understand some of the terminology. Between Devoted Spouse and a very nice salesman, Matt, we found the DVD player/recorder we thought would work best for us. I’d like to say it was a reasonable price, but it was a tad bit expensive. These days we are all captive to the electronics retailers. Much like the supply/demand propaganda we are fed by economists, the same applies to electronics. You are pretty much at the mercy of the retailer; you need the equipment. Oh well.

We trotted off on our merry way home and about halfway there realized if we were going to record a show, we needed a DVD. Duh. Turn the car around and head to Office Depot to look at the thousands of choices in DVDs. DVD-R, DVD-RW, DVD+R; my eyes were ready to bleed. We found the type the salesman told us we needed and off we went once again homeward.

It’s quiet at the moment — Devoted Spouse is reading the instructions. Unlike me, he takes his time and actually learns what he needs to do to set something up — I usually just go willy-nilly into the box, grab pieces parts and then start swearing when I can’t figure out what to do. Hence, I’m upstairs writing this blog entry; he’s in the family room working on set-up.

I hope that’s all the equipment I need to replace for awhile. I need a new stove, but it can wait. The automatic water-thingie on the refrig broke, but it, too, can wait. I’d like a wireless printer, but that can wait. I can’t live without my Rosemary & Thyme, though. Let’s hope this piece of electronic gadgetry works.