It’s that time of the year. Turn on the news, read a paper, open a magazine, surf the net and on all these various media you will find an endless litany of the Best of 2009 or the Worst of 2009, who died, who married, who divorced, who wasn’t married but were living together and now aren’t, who had babies while wed, who had babies while not wed, who had babies with other people while engaged to someone else, who adopted another child from Senegal or Ethiopia or heaven knows where, and an announcement that the Duggars are pregnant with their 57th child and Octomom may want more. Tedium ad nauseum. And of course we can’t leave out the infidelities but then I’m so sick of the likes of John Edwards, Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen that I can no longer find words. Gah….
Some people have issues with the Holidays — I have issues with end of year reviews. While I am a student of pop culture, and I will even admit to occasionally reading Perez Hilton for celebrity gossip, it gets tedious having to listen to the long recitation of which celebrities died this year and who was in and out of rehab for this drug issue or that bout of alcoholism and if I see one more story on Susan Boyle’s antics or Kate and Jon I may have to gouge my own eyes out. Note to Kate: honey do something with the hairstyle in 2010. This reverse mullet thing you got going on is so not working. So we have the media version of the Christmas newsletter – as if we haven’t been paying attention all year long and need to be reminded this is the year Michael Jackson died. And what’s truly awful about the end of year reviews is my mute button isn’t working right.
You see (as I mentioned in a post a long time ago) we have this home theater in a box system (yes, I know it’s cheap, Greg, get over it) and when you hit the mute button it only sends the sound down a notch or two — those of us with good hearing can still hear the commercial. And, frankly, I’m about at my wit’s end with the “My name is Ram and my tank is full” commercial to the point that I wouldn’t buy a Dodge Ram if you paid for it and delivered it to my home with it’s flippin’ tank full. How about the weird Dos Equis guy? What is with him? I would definitely say no if he tried to friend me on Facebook. And I may resort to sticking a screwdriver into my own ear if I am subjected much longer to the inane boy band singing about their *&^%&^ free credit report. So if I can’t fully mute some of these Best of and Worst of and Memorable Moments of 2009 I may have to check myself into some type of rehab. Gah…
I know 2009 was a strange, unhappy, unsettling year. Wars, poverty, job losses, retirement funds tanked, tsunamis, earthquakes, floods. Al Gore gained 1,000 pounds and blamed it on global warming when it was just his carbon footprint getting bigger from heating up too many frozen pizzas in the microwave. Obama got the Nobel Peace Prize while in the midst of two wars. The Balloon Boy saga took 2 1/2 hours out of my life I’ll never get back. Worldwide, 2009 was bizarre. In fact, there were many times I struggled to find something humorous to write about. If it hadn’t been for the strange eating habits of EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer, my own stupid human tricks, and the ridiculous time I had this past year with every stinkin’ appliance in my entire house, I might have had fewer posts.
Heaven knows I had to resort to laughing at myself much of the time because after the “Accident of 2009″ I had 10 months of absolute hell, often wishing I could just curl up in a ball and die. But it’s difficult to curl up into anything when you’re swaddled and wrapped in a shoulder sling for months on end and you have a broken back that is not diagnosed for 3 months. I did manage to find humor in my own situation — having Devoted Spouse help me pull up my pants was some hysterical stuff.
So hang in there, the good news is the year is almost over. We won’t have to put up with the Best and the Worst and the Most Memorable Moments too much longer and I’m sorry; I just subjected you to a few of my own. Perhaps 2010 will be a much better year for all of us – at least that’s my prayer. I’m also praying for a new ottoman that EmmaLou won’t chew to bits and pieces. I need to put my feet up in 2010. Sigh…
