It’s Black Friday and You Want To Do WHAT??

pic courtesy of foodnetwork.com

I’m on turkey overload.  I’m in a stuffing coma here.  I managed to get the good dishes washed but they’re still on the dining room table waiting to be put away in the china cabinet…I’m that whipped.  Whipped as in a spud that’s hit the Sunbeam Mixer blades one too many rotations.  Today I have made it from the couch to my comfy chair and back again.  That’s it.

Whilst in my comfy chair with my fav afghan snuggled up around my chin, Devoted Spouse enters my territory, plops himself down and announces to me and a half-dozing EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer, “I just woke up and have this overwhelming desire to make beef jerky.”

“WHAT?”  “Excuse me?”  “You want to MAKE beef jerky?”  “Did you take your meds this morning?”

Devoted Spouse looked rather hurt that I wasn’t going to endorse his exciting idea of creating ‘home-made-from-scratch-or-something’ jerky.   He left the living room and my trusted canine companion and I went back to our respective naps.

“Do we have any Liquid Smoke?”  I blinked at Devoted Spouse and mumbled what I thought was a negative reply.  I opened my eyes to find him standing next to me (yes, I was still swaddled and in my comfy chair) waiting for further instructions.  “What,”  I mumbled.  Again, Devoted Spouse started discussing Liquid Smoke.  I woke up more and started pelting him with pertinent questions… “What the %^$ are you talking about?”  “Do you seriously think you’re going to make home-made beef jerky TODAY?”  “Do you even HAVE a recipe?”

Devoted Spouse replied, “I probably have about a hundred recipes.”  Me:  “HUH?”  “How’d you get a hundred recipes?”

Devoted Spouse:  “From the internet.”

So…off Devoted Spouse went…on Black Friday…out shopping in search of the illusive spice (condiment?) called Liquid Smoke.  As for me, I made a cup of tea, found a book, and I’m in my comfy chair again.  Oh yeah, I also hid our leftover turkey and his laptop…sigh…

Black Friday Haikus

pic from freakygossip.com

Up at 2 to shop? // no bargain hunting for me // old broad needs her sleep

Camping out again? // I refuse to wait in rain // Best Buy can bite me

Thursday paper full // advertisements but no news // priorities skewed

Enjoy Black Friday! // watch out for angry shoppers // I’m shopping online!

They Wanna Make Me Shop Black Friday…But, I Say No, No, No

photo from abc news.com

Yes, the above title should be sung to the tune of Amy Winehouse’s Rehab song…because shopping Black Friday is enough to put you into rehab or cardiac arrest or a coma.  I refuse to do it. No. You cannot make me.  All the pretty flyers in Sunday’s paper will not induce me to leave my house on Black Friday.  They may induce something else…

I believe once upon a time Black Friday was a good idea; the shoppers got some great deals and the retailers made their bottom line for the year.  But not anymore.  It has devolved into a death-causing mass panic attack to be the first to snag a 50″ HD tv or the latest in video game consoles.  People are literally being trampled to death to save money.  No thank you.

In my area, they have published the opening times of the stores as follows:

Target:  6am;  Best Buy: 5am;  the local mall:  6am;  Home Depot:  6am;  Kohl’s:  4am – YES 4am;  Lowe’s:  6am;

Sears:  4am;  and here’s the best — Old Navy:  3am.  That’s right — 3-flippin’o'clock in the middle of the night so some sale-crazed nutcase can barrel their way through untold other nutcases to snag a flippin’ hoodie.

What have we become?

I will be spending Black Friday at home relaxing after a nice Thanksgiving spent with my family.  I may work on my Pay It Forward craft projects, or read a book and it’s for sure I’ll be on Twitter.  Where I won’t be is at ANY store — I don’t care how good the sale is!

C’mon Cyber Monday — that one I’m ready for; got my laptop working (keeping fingers crossed), my comfy chair, and my credit card at the ready.  And Devoted Spouse has been counseled about the importance of delivering the coffee.

Being Thankful — It’s a Good Thing

Well here we are on the day after Thanksgiving and it’s a great day to kick back and relax after eating all the food in captivity 24 hours ago.

I have lots of things to be thankful for this year, even though my candidate wasn’t elected, my retirement fund resembles more of a cracked egg than a nest egg, and my hair has become considerably greyer in the past 12 months.  Still, life is good. 

I’m thankful Devoted Spouse and I didn’t invest in vacation timeshares, designer clothes, European cars, or other expensive toys over the past 20 years of our worklife, but, instead saved our money and wisely invested (okay maybe not always so wisely since our bank stock totally tanked and I should have sold that stock when it was worth $60,000 instead of today’s value of about $1.98).  The saving and doing without some of the extras (while our friends were driving fancy cars, buying boats and taking European cruises) now allows us to do what we want with our days while we’re still young enough and healthy enough to enjoy them.  Being frugal affords me the opportunity to get a graduate degree.  Being frugal means Devoted Spouse can now acquire all the guns his little heart desires (or my house will hold — note to burglars or other nasty folks:  this house is a virtual armory and we’re both excellent shooters; don’t even think about it). 

I’m always thankful for the friends who shared our Thanksgiving feast — thankful that none of my cooking made them ill, there were no household accidents like exploding toilets, or defective dishware.  And, I’m very thankful that EmmaLou, the Golden Destroyer, was on her best Thanksgiving behavior (for which she received a plate of giblets).  So what if after the company left she disassembled a piece of equipment on my bar — that little metal strainer used when pouring cocktails now resembles a slinky who survived a nuclear attack — we don’t imbibe much anymore so we won’t miss that little whatchamacallit — but otherwise, she was a good girl.  I’m thankful she didn’t swallow the slinky part.  All the hydrogen peroxide in the world would not induce the re-appearance of an eaten slinky.  But I digress.

I’m thankful I’m not one of the crazed shoppers who actually think getting up at 3:00 am to arrive at the already full parking lot of Kohl’s prior to the opening at 4:00 am is normal behavior.  I do not want to buy anything that bad.   The only parking space I need is in my comfy chair as I shop online. 

I’m also thankful that I’m pursuing my graduate degree through the wonderful invention of distance learning.  You have no idea, really, how thankful I am that I can turn in a paper this week that’s certainly not my best work but will at least suffice for credit, and I won’t have to endure the humiliation of a professor looking me in the eye and admonishing me for my less than sterling effort.  I’m really thankful he doesn’t know where I live and we don’t use webcams!  That said, I need to go write this paper so I can be thankful I pass this course.

As you can see from the pic below, EmmaLou is also kicking back and relaxing today.  Hope all of you had a lovely Thanksgiving!