And Now Something Completely New

Sadly last night I bade farewell to my blog Minutia Maven.  It just wasn’t going in the direction I thought.  So I killed it and had it with some fava beans.

In its place is something a bit new and slightly bizarre perhaps.  It’s called Crap On a Crutch.  It comes from all the thousands of times I have used this phrase whenever I get really ticked off at something or when I can’t think of a response to something someone else has done or said.  Crap on a Crutch pretty much says it all.  While I was saving it for the title of a silly book I’ve been working on (for a thousand years), Chasaveen thought it would be a good title for a blog, so please welcome into the world, Crap on a Crutch.  I hope you visit often and I also hope you don’t hold it against me.

What Do You Really Need?

Came across an interesting suggestion the other day…Google your first name followed by the word ‘needs’.  Sounded rather silly, but I’m all in favor of silly and so I did just that…here are a few of the gems I discovered/ in no particular order.

Linda needs…mental help. Gee, thanks, I’ll get right on that.

Linda needs…as much free space at the front of the platform as possible. What am I… a double wide??

Linda needs…a new best friend. I would amend this to say ‘more’ best friends — a gal can never have too many friends.

Linda needs… help. Alright, let’s not beat a dead horse here.

Linda needs…an extraordinary meeting. This one is a tad puzzling…an extraordinary meeting of what?  Minds?  Rivers?  My brain and my mouth?  I’m stumped on this one.

Linda needs…a new way to find and share information.  Okay, perhaps I’ll take up  pony whispering.

Linda needs…a fresh perspective. This is often true; I do tend to get in a rut with my writing.

Linda needs…a tech makeover.  Actually what I need is more tech know-how. I am a tech-not.

Linda needs…encouragement and support.  Well, as evidenced by cards and blogging best wishes lately, I’m doing rather well in this area, so we’ll let this one go.

Linda needs…to know what to do now that she’s single.  Perhaps we should not ask Devoted Spouse for his input, hmmm?

Linda needs…a ride for 1 to San Francisco.  What the heck…I’ve never been there so okey-dokey, let’s go.  Again, shhhhh to Devoted Spouse.

Linda needs…more help than usual on her knitting.  No, Linda needs to get over her desire to knit because it is a lost cause.  The lady at the local yarn store simply cringes every time I walk in.  <b*tch>

Linda needs…a motivational life coach.  Yes, and I’d like to suggest  Johnny Depp for the job…

Linda needs…to retrain to do any other kind of work.  I’m astonished that my currently amazing skills simply won’t do.

Linda needs…to flatten her chest.  Au contraire — this is the last thing Linda needs to do.

Linda needs…to stay in jail. Now wait a minute…may I at least have one phone call???

Linda needs…to get over herself.  Not going to happen anytime soon — Linda likes Linda just fine.

As you can see from what I found — the needs of Linda are quite varied and somewhat amusing.  Try it for yourself, put it on your blog, and link back to me please since I’m starting this one.

Beam Her Up Scottie

I just learned of the recent death of Majel Barrett Roddenberry, the widow of Gene Roddenberry, the creator of Star Trek and I am saddened at the loss of such a great actress.   I guess that means the Star Trek franchise is finally kaput because there can be no future Star Treks without her voice coming over the airwaves as the disembodied computer.

I was a Star Trek fan from the get go — yes, William Shatner was once a rather handsome and much thinner dude.  I distinctly remember once a week gathering in front of the television set with my dad, also a sci-fi fan, and being absolutely captivated by this series.  Nothing else mattered when Star Trek was on — nothing.   We didn’t have the technology to record programs in the late 60′s so you got one chance to watch a show.   Aside from William Shatner, the other love of my life in 1966 was Peter Tork of the Monkees.  Star Trek was on Thursdays and The Monkees was on Mondays so thankfully I never had to choose between the two, otherwise I might have simply imploded.

Some of you may remember Majel as the First Officer, aka  No. 1,  from the Star Trek pilot which aired in 1966.  Later she went on to be Nurse Christine Chapel who always had the hots for Spock.   She then turned up as a recurring character, Ambassador Lwaxana Troi, who was just so much fun to watch misbehave, and finally she took on the part of the ubiquitous computer voice.   Before she died she finished work on the upcoming prequel Star Trek movie, again as the voice of the computer.

Wherever you have beamed, Majel, may you live long and prosper.

Another Award!

My friend Merri gave me a lovely award:

It’s  an award CREDIT card, which is a Blogging Friends Forever and the expiration date is  o4/3V3R (Forever, get it?) What a lovely surprise this is – it comes with a meme.  I’m not very good at memes but I’ll give this a try.  I have to come up with 10 things I love starting with the letter C.  Here goes:

1.  Canines — particularly EmmaLou the Golden Destroyer.  She is the light of my life regardless of the amount of damage she causes on a regular basis.  Take the dog from the movie Marley and Me, and multiply his nonsense by about 40% and you have EmmaLou, Destructo Dog Divine.

2.  Crabs — not the contagious buggers, the lovely blue crabs that come from the Chesapeake Bay — fried up as crabcakes with barely a hint of filler and lots of Old Bay Seasoning or  boiled and cracked over an old wood table covered in newspaper.   I was crackin’ crabs before I could barely walk.  Yum-squared.  Unfortunately you can’t get good crab meat in Ohio and if you think the crud you buy at Red Lobster is good, you’ve never tasted the real thing.

3.  Cats — don’t tell EmmaLou, but I love the kitties, too.  I’ve had two cats in my life and I miss both of them terribly.  I wish I could teach EmmaLou how to purr.  One of these days the family will include another cat — but not yet.

4.  Cookbooks – I collect them and have all the Southern Living cookbooks back to 1983 (the year I got married).  I rarely use them – but I read them voraciously.  For Christmas this year Devoted Spouse gave me a Williams-Sonoma cookbook  and I’ve already devoured it page by page.  Love cookbooks!

5.  Comedies — the sillier the better.  I love slapstick and anything that’s stupid is guaranteed to make me laugh.  Yesterday Devoted Spouse and I watched Hitch with Will Smith and even though I’ve seen it before, I was falling on the floor laughing.  I truly love old John Candy films, Chevy Chase, the Marx Brothers, Abbott and Costello flicks, Mel Brooks, Monty Python, Chris Farley, Gilbert Gottfried…you get the idea; I’m one of the few people I know who loves Dumb and Dumber.

6.  China –  not the country; the dishes.  I’m slowing down on my avid china collecting — I used to have at least 10 sets of dishes – for all occasions and some just for the heck of it because I liked the pattern.  It’s an expensive habit I picked up while we lived in Europe  and one I’m slowly giving up.  But you can still find me at the china department of Macy’s perusing the stock.  I refuse to give up my wedding china nor will I get rid of the English ironstone Christmas china.  And give up my vintage Canton ware?  No.  But I won’t be adding any new patterns any time soon, I promise.

7.  Cosmetics — I’m such a girl.  I love to walk the make-up aisles at Target and look at the newest colors in eye shadow or lipstick.  I buy more than I should and I have the baskets full of pencils and powders in the bathroom closet to prove it.   Nothing is more fun to me than spending a morning at Sephora trying on all the goodies!

8.  Cookies ‘n Cream ice cream — One of my downfalls and something I try not to indulge in very often as sugar is not our friend you know!  But, oh is it ever good!  When I absolutely must eat my way to happiness, this is what I choose.

9.  Crafts — I think I suffer from some type of arrested development in arts and crafts stemming from a childhood devoid of art projects.  The stepmonster got me started on cross-stitch and I still enjoy that craft.  I love to paint and only wish I had some talent and the time to pursue it seriously.  I can’t sew worth a dang but I enjoy trying.  I made the living room curtains — hey, how badly can you screw up sheers?  Okay, so the seams aren’t the most even — who’s looking anyway?  I have thousands of rubber stamps for my card-making ventures and my cupboards in my crap craft room are chocked full of various yarns and needles for knitting.  I can’t knit.  But that’s another story for another posting.

10.  Cottage Cheese — I eat the stuff for breakfast and mix it with jelly or jam.  It’s a sickness of mine.  I’m totally addicted to cottage cheese.

Okay – I did it — 10 things beginning with the letter C that I love.  Whew!  No more memes for awhile please – this takes too much brain power!

Updates and Whatevers

I try to take Sundays off from the blogging world and pretty much the world itself.  But since I’m sitting here in front of this silly laptop I might as well take a few moments to chat.

Grades are in (in case you didn’t check the Seminary Buzz page) and I got an A in my Old Testament course.  That’s 3 courses done, and 9 more left.  My, my what was I thinking?

My friend solved the cat dilemma.  He is now the proud papa to not one but two 6-month old Snowshoe Siamese kittens – yes, I will be taking care of 2 cats whenever he is traveling.   Big responsibility.  The hardest part for me will be resisting the urge to simply bring them over to my house and keep them!  They are gorgeous little guys, cream colored coats, dark mittens and ears, and big beautiful blue eyes.  Love ‘em.  Want ‘em.  Oops, oh yeah, EmmaLou.  Cancel that cat order… I’m proud of him for not buying from a breeder but adopting these two guys instead.

Did you ever find yourself in the midst of a conversation that wasn’t actually directed to you but because you were in such close proximity you became a part of the conversation?   And, was that conversation about a body part that was a bit oddly shaped?   And was that conversation taking place in the vestibule of your church?   And was the person discussing, no, make that exhibiting (somewhat), the body part in question one of your pastors?  Well, that was my morning Sunday.  I was greeting and handing out church bulletins whilst being pulled into a discussion of big toes that are, well, big.  My goofball pastor, Scott, slipped off one of his big boy size humongous slip-ons to show a sock-clad long, skinny foot with a big, big toe.  I couldn’t make this up if I tried.  What’s truly disturbing about all of this is that for the life of me I can’t forget this.  I have so many other things on my mind and then out of nowhere  Scott and his toe intrude on my brain.   Now I don’t mean to make disparaging remarks about my clergy — and as clergy go, Scott is not quite Rick Warren superstar status, but he’s certainly popular around our neck of the woods, he’s no slouch in the theology department and he can give a good sermon/lesson when he’s not in rock-star mode.   He also has a very engaging smile.  But, after today’s toe discussion, I’m thinking I’m going to have a hard time giving him the attention he deserves when he gets up on that stage to talk to me about God things.  The big toe is going to get in the way.  I guess I should be thankful we were only discussing toes.

It’s about 8 degrees here so I’m going to go add another layer of clothing and see if EmmaLou and Devoted Spouse want to get cozy on the couch with me in a big old puppy pile.   Cheers.