Beware the Killer Beavers

I always thought beavers were rather harmless (except to your local pond environment) cute, little, furry creatures that one might happen upon swimming out on the pond or across a lake one day.  I’ve seen them in this area and I’ve seen them years ago at my grandmother’s home which had a rather large man-made (and fish-stocked) pond out back.  Beavers are mascots in many places.  In my own hometown the Beaver is the local high school mascot, but that’s not germane to this story.

Apparently the other day a man was fishing and supposedly minding his own business (I’m raising one eyebrow here, you just can’t see it) when a monster, gigantic, 40 lb beaver came after him – literally attacking him and biting him on the arm and doing quite a bit of harm.  I’m not making this up – here’s the link – it’s a true story.

At first I thought it was hysterical – c’mon we’re talking about a rodent for cryin’ out loud –  here’s this guy fishing and he obviously gets too close to a beaver’s den and mama comes after him.  Then I saw the article and got to thinking about it and while it’s still funny in ways, I do feel sorry for that guy.  He had to get rabies shots.  Ick Factor 10.

You see I had no idea whatsoever that beavers got that big – I mean my dog EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer, weighs 75 pounds, so this beaver is roughly half the size of her…and that’s just danged big.

So I go out to that fabulously scholarly and worthy site (yes that’s sarcasm) Wikipedia and look up “beavers” and I found out these puppies can get as big as 55 pounds and you DON’T want to mess with them.  But then again messin’ with beavers could lead to a whole ‘nother story and we just don’t want to go there… (think Tiger Woods)…so focus here people…I’m talking about an ANIMAL, not…well…you-know.  Ack, how do I get myself out of this….

Oh – so back to Wikipedia and what do I also find – some very interesting tidbits on beavers.  For example…did you know that from beavers come  something called castoreum, a “bitter-tasting secretion with a slightly fetid odor contained in the castor sacs of male or female beaver” and it’s used in medicine and in perfumes?  Yup – the castor sac of the male beaver happens to be located in his lil ole testicles (poor guy) and some Bubba grabs said beaver for those testicles.  Yikes!  Furthermore, beaver testicles were imported from the Middle East (read: Lebanon and Israel) from the 10th all the way up to the 19th century for medicinal purposes.  Double yuk.  Ewww, I can just picture the instructions on the Apothecary jar now:  “Tincture of beaver balls….use sparingly.”   Ack. Ack.

But what bothers me most of all is this “secretion”, castoreum is still used in perfume production.  So ladies, gents, think twice before you spritz yourself as you get ready for your date — you could very well be using Eau de Beaver…sigh…

Monday….and Working Efficiently

It’s a little known fact  that we procrastinate because we tend to take on too much.  So we should be aware of all those small tasks which aren’t really necessary messing with our heads and our ability to multitask and get things done.  This made sense to me because I rarely finish anythi

Fact Friday

I’m feeling Cliff Claven-ish today…so…

It’s a little known fact that the whip was the first man-made device capable of breaking the sound barrier.  True.  Its tip travels faster than the speed of sound.  That cracking sound you hear is also a sonic boom.

I thought about getting a whip – I believe that famous Ohioan Annie Oakley was a mean whip-snapper.  What a cool thing to play with out on the back deck – would certainly get the neighbors attention.  Oh I know there are other uses…let’s not go there kids.

What else can we do with a whip….Oh remember  that wonderfully-talented (dripping sarcasm) musical group Devo with their flowerpot hats singing Whip It back around 1980 or so?  That was talent.  Then there’s EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer’s favorite….Whipped Cream in a Can.  And Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones used a bull whip.  mmm mmm

Some might say Devoted Spouse is whipped…but in a good way — coz he worked too hard yesterday.

I dunno…think that’s about all I can whip up today….sigh.

With my luck I’d crack the whip and the tip would come back and put out an eye.  I know me…sigh…

99 Things

I found this over on my friend  Michele’s blog and it looked like something fun to do on a day I don’t feel like being overly funny as this is “hook up new computer day” which is always stressful.  It’s best to stick to the easy stuff.  The funny thing is, this took a lot longer than I had planned and it is some long reading – so be patient please.

The idea is to take this list of 99 items and BOLD the ones you have done and feel free to add comments.  Here’s mine:

1. Started your own blog- I have 3 now, 1 of which is about to go to bloggy heaven shortly
   
2. Slept under the stars – yes as a youngster and an adult – love looking at a star-filled night but as an adult the sleeping on the air mattress in a tent part is not so much fun!
   
3. Played in a band - for one gig during my ill-spent youth I played back-up singer & tambourine – that was all it took for them to realize I actually had no talent – it was an emergency situation for them but guess who never got invited back?  LOL
4. Visited Hawaii - I wish
   
5. Watched a meteor shower – I’m married to an amateur astronomer and have seen my share of meteor showers  (some were even outside…ba dum bum!)  seriously,  they are spectacular if you can get away from the city lights, otherwise I tend to fall asleep outside!
   
6. Given more than you can afford to charity – Wow, I don’t like this one because it makes one sound proud – but yes, I have had a time or three when I gave and then wondered which bill would be late being paid.  Fortunately I have found that God routinely rewards a charitable heart.
   
7. Been to Disneyland – DisneyWorld in my twenties when it first opened.  Would love to go back but not if they still play that stupid song It’s A Small World
8. Climbed a mountain – Closest I’ve come is hiking Appalachian Trail and didn’t make it too far there!
   
9. Held a praying mantis – I’ve taken photos, but holding one?  I think not thank you.
10. Sang a solo – I took voice lessons as a child and had to sing the theme from Exodus (This Land is Mine) during a recital.  Google it and listen to the version by Andre Rieu and you will understand the range and the difficulty of singing this.  After the recital I wisely decided a lifetime as a singer was not in my future. (If you download the Rieu version ignore the Crusader picture – that’s just dumber than dirt since Exodus was about the Jews coming out of slavery NOT the Crusaders running rampant through the Holy Land…but I digress..)
    
11. Bungee jumped – I believe the phrase, “not only no but heck no” comes to mind.  As Devoted Spouse is fond of saying…”Why do something you can only do wrong once?”
12. Visited Paris – Several times while Devoted Spouse was stationed in Belgium – I took a cooking class, did the tourist thing – hit the museums and art galleries and loved the atmosphere but the prices were ridiculous and some of the people were a tad snarky
13. Watched a thunder and lightning storm- Well, yeah, but I try and keep my distance
    
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch – Depends on how you define art…is blogging an art?  Then yes.  I make greeting cards and taught myself stamping so I guess that qualifies – it wasn’t difficult to figure out how to decoupage.  Some other artwork I had to take lessons such as tole work (which I no longer do).  I can make some mean stuff w/elbow macaroni and Elmer’s glue)
    
15. Adopted a child – not an “Angelina Jolie” bring-a-thousand-home but I have sponsored several through World Vision.
16. Had food poisoning – Unfortunately this has happened to me more than once and it’s an awful way to diet lemme tell ya!
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty -  never been there, but on my list
18. Grown your own vegetables – Every year I make a stab at gardening; some years are good, some not so much
    
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France- Yup – it was at the Louvre when I visited and I also caught it during a tour in (I believe) Washington DC.  So I’ve seen it twice – and it’s much smaller than you think.  Magnificent!
20. Slept on an overnight train – nope not yet
21. Had a pillow fight – But of course!
    
22. Hitch hiked – Oh my -  the things I did as a young completely stupid youth – really scary to look back now and realize just how often I hitched a ride with a total stranger.  It’s how I got to that farmland in NY on that fateful weekend way back when…
    
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill – Oh puhleeze show me one person who has not done this and I’ll show you the most boring person on the face of the earth and a liar to boot!  LOL
    
24. Built a snow fort – With heavy snowfalls in VA as a kid, a snow fort was a necessity!  Needed someplace to store the iced snowball ammunition!
    
25. Held a lamb – not technically, but I’ve petted one through a fence – our landlord at the Chateau we lived in when we were in Belgium rented out his fields and one year there were tons of sheep.  Love sheep.  Love them so much I simply cannot eat lamb.  Can’t eat veal either – I think it’s a baby animal thing but again I’m getting off track
    
26. Gone skinny dipping - Yes, but no comment
27. Run a Marathon – You gotta be kidding me – I’m doing good to make it from my comfy chair to the kitchen
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice – never got to Venice unfortunately
29. Seen a total eclipse – Yep – see amateur astronomer comment earlier!  LOL
    
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset- Of course – sunrise at a mountain cabin, sunset on a beach – both equally stunning!
    
31. Hit a home run – as a child when we played softball at school but it was not my best sport – this was a fluke
    
32. Been on a cruise – not sure about cruises although everyone I know raves about them.  I’m more a let’s go on a road trip kinda gal.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person- on a childhood vacation – and as a kid I was not impressed that much – it was just a bunch of water.  Think as an adult I might enjoy it more.
    
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors – Some, yes – Germany, Scotland, and England but never got to Ireland (and to the American spots like southern VA – yawn…)
    
35. Seen an Amish community - in PA,  OH and also in IN
    
36. Taught yourself a new language - I am fluent in pig Latin – I can understand some French, and Spanish but I was taught by someone else!
    
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied – Yes – you  really only need so much money to be happy – true happiness comes from other things
    
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person – nope I was in Sicily for a few days w/Devoted Spouse and also saw the inside of the Rome airport and that’s as close as I got!
39. Gone rock climbing – I am not good with heights so the answer here is a definite NO!
    
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David – Not the original but I did see a replica of it at a museum in London
41. Sung karaoke - You cannot get me drunk enough – nevah!!!  Even people at church discourage me from singing.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt – Yes several times in fact.  Oh – you mean the one in that park… yes, seen that too… heh heh
    
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant – Yes I like to do this when I go out for breakfast at that chic restaurant Le Bob Evans – I often leave enough money and instructions w/hostess to pay for someone’s meal with leftover $ to the waitress.   It’s fun!
44. Visited Africa – only on tv and in books and hopefully one day in person!!
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight – Ooh baby  yeah and w/Devoted Spouse of course!
    
46. Been transported in an ambulance -Yes – not my best time! Ahhh the Ice Incident of 2009 (shivers)
    
47. Had your portrait painted – Nope no reason to since both Picasso and Dali are dead! 
    
48. Gone deep sea fishing- Yeah as a twenty-something and was talked into martinis on the boat…in the hot sun…as the boat rocked.  I prayed I would die.
    
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person – if only
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris- Saw it but never went up in it
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling – Are u nutz?  I won’t fill my bathtub very full – you think I’m going scuba diving?  Not in this life baby.
    
52. Kissed in the rain – A time or three…
    
53. Played in the mud – All the time as a child and a couple of times as a quasi-adult…
    
54. Gone to a drive-in theater – Yes, many times as a child and a few as an adult w/Devoted Spouse but drive-in theaters are almost extinct here in OH
    
55. Been in a movie – Still waiting to be discovered.  Hello?  Spielberg?  I’m here.  Anyone?  Hello?  I’d make a great character actress or comic idiot in a sitcom – really – I would.  Of course my co-star would have to be Simon Baker.  ‘Nuff said
56. Visited the Great Wall of China – couldn’t take the plane trip!
57. Started a business – I’ve done the independent business route like Mary Kay, etc. but never for long – too much work!
    
58. Taken a martial arts class – Good grief no, I could hurt myself
    
59. Visited Russia – came very close – had a trip planned to visit the Pushkin Museum w/my German friend and then that pesky little business of Chernobyl happened – bummer
60. Served at a soup kitchen – I’m embarrassed to say I have not done this
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies- Nah – I was never in Girl Scouts – I got kicked out of Brownies but we don’t talk about it…
    
62. Gone whale watching – Definitely on the bucket list!
    
63. Got flowers for no reason – Often Devoted Spouse comes in with flowers – I’m a spoiled princess!
    
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma – Unfortunately since I ate beef in the UK, and also contracted hepatitis as a youngster, I am not allowed to donate blood – I would if I could, though.
65. Gone sky diving – Crap on a Crutch why jump out of a perfectly good airplane????
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp – no but I understand it is an overwhelming experience
67. Bounced a check – Never
    
68. Flown in a helicopter – Again Never and don’t plan on it either unless it’s a critical care flight and I hope that never happens either!
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy – I managed to salvage my Barbie before she was tossed by the wicked stepmonster and a few of my original Nancy Drew books – all else is gone.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial – Well, yeah,  I spent the first 25 years of my life living in Northern VA and was a frequent visitor to DC!
    
71. Eaten caviar – I tried it and put it on my don’t do that again list right up there with tasting Limburger cheese.  Blechhh
    
72. Pieced a quilt – No, I buy mine.
    
73. Stood in Times Square. – Never been to NYC  -  can u believe that??
74. Toured the Everglades – Yes it’s lovely and a tad creepy at the same time – love the boats!
75. Been fired from a job – once
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London – Absolutely – fantastic experience – so stately – love the bear hats!
77. Broken a bone – Broke vertebra in my back in 2009.  Broke several toes and one finger as a youngster
    
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle – A few times in my ill-spent youth
    
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person – No but would love to – the height thing might bother me
    
80. Published a book – Not a chance although I think a book about EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer would have to be a bestseller!
81. Visited the Vatican – If only – talk about art works!!
82. Bought a brand new car – Quite a few actually – keep meaning to buy used, but get sucked in to that “new smell” thing and spend too much money.  Gah…
    
83. Walked in Jerusalem – Definitely on my list – should be fun trying to get me there!
84. Had your picture in the newspaper - no, but I made it on the local news one night…
    
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve – A few times…
    
86. Visited the White House – No – can you believe I lived not 10 miles away for 25 years and never visited?!
    
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating – Oh not a chance – I would starve first – I’m no hunter gatherer!
88. Had chickenpox - I believe so.
    
89. Saved someone’s life – No but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express…
90. Sat on a jury - yes for a drug trial – it was an interesting experience
91. Met someone famous – I’ve met several famous people actually including British royalty – wish one of them was Simon Baker…sigh
    
92. Joined a book club - I keep joining but have never found one that worked out!
    
93. Got a tattoo - Get out of town – I HATE needles – the closest I will come is a hand drawn piece of art w/ a Sharpie
    
94. Had a baby – Not  in the plans of my life I guess
    
95. Seen the Alamo in person – Heck, I’ve never even been to TX!!
    
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake – Again, never been to UT either!
97. Been involved in a law suit - If my divorce counts, then yes
98. Owned a cell phone – more than a few of them.
    
99. Been stung by a bee – Repeatedly and the scary part is I’m allergic to bee stings!!!  Yikes!  Hate those little buggers!

Wow – that took a lot longer than I thought it would.  And I’m sure by now your eyes are bleeding so I’ll try not to play this type of game again for awhile – or ever – but it was fun doing something different.    Feel free to copy mine and add  your own answers!

Here’s hoping the next blog I post is from my new laptop!  sigh…

Trivial Tuesday Things

Not having much of interest to write about, and still being a bit tired after yesterday’s volunteering stint, I thought I’d simply and briefly mention a few things that have caught my attention lately.

We’ve all seen the jokes that wander thru the net into our email boxes – here’s what I heard lately – a couple of reasons employees did not turn up at work, supposedly true and reported by HR directors:  1)  Employee was concerned he would lose the parking place in front of his house, 2) Employee’s dog was feeling stressed after a family reunion over the weekend.  Okay – If EmmaLou, the Golden Destroyer was feeling stressed, I might be inclined to “call in sick”.  I might.

Did you know that you can buy an MP3 alarm clock which will wake you up with motivational messages and instructions on how to stretch before you even get out of bed?  True – it’s called My Workout Wake Up Call and it sells for about $40.  I found it here .  I’m not making this up.

How many times have you reached into your oven and burned an arm?  Really.  I’ve done it numerous times by just accidentally bumping against one of the racks – hurts like hell, doesn’t it?  I’ve never found oven mitts that really keep my arms protected.  Now there is a company that makes neoprene oven mitts and they’re long enough to really cover your arms – supposedly they will protect you up to 500 degrees (and that’s hot).  They’re under $20 and you can find them here .  BTW they’re call Arlo Oven Mitts.  I’m going to order a set for sure.

Are you looking to re-decorate a room but you can’t afford to buy new furniture?  There’s a product on the market that I kid you not will change your upholstered furniture — at least that’s what the article in my local paper claims.  I make NO claims to this stuff.  It’s paint — eco-friendly upholstery paint called Simply Spray and one can covers approximately 17 square feet for $12.99 — now I’m not good at measurements so I’m thinking 17 square feet won’t cover your couch but will do a nice job on a plain upholstered chair – like the kind you see advertised for a dining room table.  I’m just a little leery of this though – my upholstered furniture in my living room is a floral tapestry.  Now granted I’m so sick of this furniture I could literally rip it apart with my teeth, but I really am leery of spray painting it.  The claims are you can use this spray paint for linens, lampshades, towels and other items because it doesn’t stiffen or harden on the product but stays soft to the touch.  I don’t know – if anyone wants to try it, let me know what you discover.  I think I’ll continue to live with my &&(&%^## living room furniture.

A few weeks ago Bob Dylan was in Long Branch, New Jersey on tour with Willie Nelson and John Mellencamp.  A cop walked up to him because ole Bob was just wandering around and the very young cop asked  for his name.  Bob replied, “Bob Dylan.”  The cop asked, “What are you doing here?”  Bob replied, “I’m on tour.”  The cop actually requested backup and they escorted ole Bob to where the performers were staying to have a member of the tour staff vouch for ole Bob’s identity.  I alternated between laughing and feeling sad when I read this.  Then again I never really liked his music anyway.

There’s a classified ad in my paper today for a 10-year old Umbrella Cockatoo — only $700.  I’m wondering if he provides protection from the rain or in the sun.  He must do something for $700.  Here’s another ad for an apartment that advertises in HUGE BOLD PRINT…no rent until September.  Well, crap, that’s just a couple of weeks away – where’s the deal in that?   Here’s one that advertises an “authentic” Rolling Stones Guitar – Autographed – appraised at $2,900 but they’ll sell it for $400.  It’s probably autographed by Bob Dylan.

And finally, I actually got 3 readers signed up from my Monday posting on Craft Pay it Forward.  I figured no one would play – crap on a crutch, now I actually have to handmake 3 different items within the next year and actually send them to these poor ladies Mari,  Delaney,  and Mrsupole who all signed on to this.  Gah…why does my brain make me actually do this stuff before I’ve totally thought it out and realized I CAN’T CRAFT worth crap.  Oh well.  They have my permission to open their gifts, laugh hysterically, and then promptly throw them in the trash.  You won’t hurt my feelings, trust me.  Although by signing up for this they also agreed to blog about it and Pay it Forward to 3 other unsuspecting readers.

That’s my Tuesday Trivia.  Too tired to further entertain you today; you’ll simply have to find something to amuse yourselves now.  Go – off with you — find something to make you laugh, then share it with me please.