Just Pee in the Cup Already!

Sweet EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer has had some health issues of late.  The most annoying one (for all of us) is a stomach problem — she has issues with digesting her food and she burps louder and longer than a longshoreman.  Poor Em!

She willingly went to the vet’s because she likes it there.  I don’t like it at my doctor’s office, but I’m not a dog.  Anyway, the vet is aware of the issue; Em’s been on meds prior to this visit.  But, the problem returns.  He suggests obtaining a blood sample, giving her her annual shots (which were due), refilling her heartworm and flea prevention meds, and oh, here’s a plastic tray…please get a sample of her urine.

Excuse me?

This morning bright (well, actually it was dark) and early, the whole family goes out to the backyard to obtain a pee sample from EmmaLou.  I was on leash and flashlight duty; Devoted Spouse had the little (and I do mean little) plastic tray at the ready.  Em sniffs around, squats down, I yell at Devoted Spouse, “NOW!”, he slides the tray under her and EmmaLou jumps straight up in the air taking her precious pee with her.

Take Two:  “C’mon sweetie puppy girl…pee in the cup.”  Yes, dogs can get a hateful look on their faces.  Finally she squatted again and we repeated the above exercise.  It didn’t work the second time, either.

Devoted Spouse took EmmaLou out on her morning walk, where she peed like someone who’s had their bladder stopped up for a month.  Peed all up and down the street.  Did we get a sample?  No…forgot the tray.

While running errands, I stopped in the vet’s office.  They laughed and laughed but finally agreed I could bring her up late in the day and THEY would try the little plastic tray trick.

EmmaLou and I, meanwhile, have decided we should never speak of this barbaric intrusion into her personal life again.  Sigh…

Sometimes I Amaze Even Myself

For the past week or two I have been doing battle with large black ants; large black ants that bite…ow.  These nasty critters have been interfering with my beloved hummingbirds by crawling up the wood post on which hangs the hummingbird feeder and then getting into the yummy sugar water.  They swarm around and in it and make such a mess the poor birds can’t feed.  That made me crazy.

Being the normal American girl I am…I immediately thought of the big green can of Ant spray.  I sprayed all around the deck floorboards, up the wood pole and in the surrounding area; all the time hoping this toxic goop wouldn’t interfere with my hummingbirds.  Well, it didn’t.  Nor did it stop the nasty big black ants from climbing all over and into the hummingbird feeder.

I stood there Thursday morning watching the mess and at the same time I had a bra stap that was slipping.  Now you think these two things may be totally unrelated and you would be wrong.  The slipping bra strap led to my amazing A-HA moment.

I went inside to my bedroom, took the double-sided tape dispenser from my closet and went back outside with a step stool.  I wrapped double-sided tape all around the wood pole in several places and also put lots of it on top, around, and under the hanger that holds the hummingbird feeder.

Of course that sounds relatively easy.  It wasn’t.  I spent about an hour wrestling with the tape, getting it stuck all over me in the process.  I fell off the step-stool once (I was only on the lowest step so it was no big deal thankfully) but my neighbors must have wondered what the heck I was doing as I literally embraced the wooden pole while frantically  tearing off strips of tape and swatting off big black ants from my tender flesh. Ugh.   I imagine my neighbors realized it was just Linda up to her usual nonsense and they quickly found other amusement (read: grabbed their videocams).  At one time I had double-sided tape all stuck in my hair while doing the tape-tearing, hair-pulling + ant-flicking dance on top of the step stool — I’ll be periodically checking YouTube just in case (you never know with my neighbors).

I finally finished my taping experiment.  Then I stood back and watched.  The ants climbed the pole but they wouldn’t cross the tape.  They went up and down, around and around but all of them stopped dead in their tracks at the tape.  One ant got crafty and actually showed up on top of the pergola and climbed DOWN toward the feeder – but he met with a sticky surprise when he got there because the hangar itself was also wrapped in double-sided tape and the ant refused to cross it.

YAY – Dang skippy I’m smart.  And my hummingbirds no longer have to put up with nasty ants in their food.  Tomorrow I tackle world hunger…  sigh…