Just Pee in the Cup Already!

Sweet EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer has had some health issues of late.  The most annoying one (for all of us) is a stomach problem — she has issues with digesting her food and she burps louder and longer than a longshoreman.  Poor Em!

She willingly went to the vet’s because she likes it there.  I don’t like it at my doctor’s office, but I’m not a dog.  Anyway, the vet is aware of the issue; Em’s been on meds prior to this visit.  But, the problem returns.  He suggests obtaining a blood sample, giving her her annual shots (which were due), refilling her heartworm and flea prevention meds, and oh, here’s a plastic tray…please get a sample of her urine.

Excuse me?

This morning bright (well, actually it was dark) and early, the whole family goes out to the backyard to obtain a pee sample from EmmaLou.  I was on leash and flashlight duty; Devoted Spouse had the little (and I do mean little) plastic tray at the ready.  Em sniffs around, squats down, I yell at Devoted Spouse, “NOW!”, he slides the tray under her and EmmaLou jumps straight up in the air taking her precious pee with her.

Take Two:  “C’mon sweetie puppy girl…pee in the cup.”  Yes, dogs can get a hateful look on their faces.  Finally she squatted again and we repeated the above exercise.  It didn’t work the second time, either.

Devoted Spouse took EmmaLou out on her morning walk, where she peed like someone who’s had their bladder stopped up for a month.  Peed all up and down the street.  Did we get a sample?  No…forgot the tray.

While running errands, I stopped in the vet’s office.  They laughed and laughed but finally agreed I could bring her up late in the day and THEY would try the little plastic tray trick.

EmmaLou and I, meanwhile, have decided we should never speak of this barbaric intrusion into her personal life again.  Sigh…

What’s New With EmmaLou?

Today is Talk About EmmaLou day.  I need to catch ya’ll up – she’s been a busy little Destroyer.

I have very good hearing (I’m sorry, what’dya say?) – no, I do.  The funny thing about that is hearing things in the background while I’m trying to do something else is very distracting to me…to the point I must use ear plugs.  You know…those odd little orange foam things you stick in your ears (particularly if you shoot guns and I do, but never inside — oh nevermind).  Anyway…little orange foam thingies stuck gently in my ears keep me from having to listen to the nonstop sirens, screaming, obscenities, and the gawdawful theme song as Devoted Spouse watches yet another marathon of Cops in the family room while I am trying to read out in the living room. (whew – long sentence)  Now, most people buy these ear plugs by the pair — Devoted Spouse buys them for me by the jar.  Really.

EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer loves the color orange.  And she loves the texture of foam.  You see where this is going?

I like to keep a pair of foam ear plugs lying on my table next to my comfy chair.  They tend to disappear as you-know-who snuffles around for something to scarf down.  Later as I return to my comfy chair and casually glance at my table looking for either a book, a Kleenex, a stray cookie (don’t ask) or my SmartPhone…I notice there is one orange foam ear plug there…not the usual two.  I go on a hunt because sometimes they do fall on the floor and roll under the chair.  Mostly I just see EmmaLou at a distance…with her jaw working furiously in the hopes of chewing up the foam ear plug and swallowing it before I can get to her and jam my hand and half my arm down her Golden throat (I’ll show you Retriever).  Unfortunately, she usually wins the battle and I come away with scraped hands from sharp doggie teeth.

In the past week, she has eaten 3, yes 3, sets of ear plugs.  This is getting old.  The number of ear plugs in the jar have been greatly diminished.

She graduated from ear plugs to her dog bed a few evenings ago — the same dog bed as shown in the pic up above – yes, it’s a very nice dog bed and was not cheap.  In the midst of ogling Chris O’Donnell on  NCIS LA the other night, and not wishing to be pulled away, I happened to look over and see EmmaLou gnawing on the corner of her bed.  Ack Ack.  STOP – NOW – I threw a pillow at her.  She thought we had started a new game – she loves it when I toss things in her general direction.  All I was trying to do was stop the chewing.  Fortunately a commercial came on.  I got off the couch, went to the dog bed, and yep, big piece chewed off edge of bed.  Anger ensued (on my part…EmmaLou thought we were still playing a new game).

When I am angry with EmmaLou I frown and give her the “STARE”.  She doesn’t like to be stared at straight in the eyes.  I usually do this nose to nose with her.  It lets her know I am not happy with her behavior without harming her in any way coz ya’ll know I would never hurt my precious puppy.  Discipline?  yes.  Harm?  no.  Then when the “STARE” is done I totally ignore her and that is a terrible punishment for a Golden Retriever.  She gets the message loud and clear.  After about a half hour of this, I let her back in my good graces, give her lots of belly scritches and we pretty much start this cycle all over again.

She is such a handful.  But she’s mine and I’ve been trying to keep her from chewing so much by allowing her more time on Twitter.  Positive reinforcement you know.  I hear she’s been acting up on Twitter, too.  sigh…

Oh…the ear plugs?  They no longer reside on the table anymore.  I’ve learned my lesson much to EmmaLou’s dismay.