This is my Friday free for all posting or what I like to call my posting mish mash – I’m going to ramble for awhile and make no real sense at all. So just enjoy the fact that you can read this and feel superior to me in your capacity to think and act as a rational normal functioning adult human being (probably).
For those of you who are employed, Yippee Skippee it’s Friday and it’s a holiday weekend. For my friend, Chris, Yippee Skippee, he’s on leave Friday and then goes on vacation for 2 weeks. For the rest of us slobs – retired, unemployed, or whatever the alternate choice may be, it’s just another day in Paradise.
For me, it’s going to be a day of mostly studying with the exception of a quick run to Omaha Steaks because they had a special one-day-only 50% off sale on Wed and the nice manager told me since my refrigerator died, he would honor my coupon on Fri. Note to world: Omaha Steaks rocks – I will NEVER buy a steak from a grocery store again. Truly. Back to school — while I received an A my first week of class, and in the middle of my second week, I received an email from my Professor telling me he was impressed with my homework submission and that I was doing excellent work, I’m falling behind in my reading and I haven’t even started working on my source material for my research paper (which is due in Week 7 and that’s just right around the corner).
I’m behind because of the nightmare of the broken refrigerator. Now, I’ve twittered about it, I’ve written about it on my other Blog (shameless plug) and of course, I posted a note on this blog. But, it’s amazing to me how totally upside down your world can become when a major appliance decides to commit hari-kari in the middle of the night, especially when this appliance is hooked up to a water line and decides to “pee” everywhere. Thank goodness I already take blood pressure medicine, or I probably would have reached stroke level by now. The new refrigerator is in; it’s very nice and I’m happy with it, even if it is taking some getting used to since it’s so different from the type of refrigerator I had before.
Speaking of things breaking…well more like breaking down, as in holey moley Batman, when did I get so flippin’ old? Devoted Spouse and I were watching Discovery Science the other night and they were talking about gravity. Plus they were discussing colonizing Mars. I said, “If we lived on Mars at least my tits would point up.” Devoted Spouse thought that was really funny but I was serious. Somewhere between just the other day and today gravity has just wreaked havoc on my body. Each picture of me lately shows either this tremendous turkey neck or 37 chins. I toyed with the idea of duct taping my neck so it would tighten the skin, but then I’d have to do an amazing job of getting my hair to cover it and there’s that pesky problem of getting the duct tape back off my skin (ouch), so I put that idea in the “don’t try” category. That’s why I pose with something in front of my neck usually — like a book, a flower, or the dog even. Almost overnight I have become a perfect candidate for that commercial on tv for the Lifestyle Lift – the one where women my age who look like they’re 127 have some type of procedure done on their jowls (I hate that word; it sounds like the pieces parts you cut off chickens before you cook them) and neck and suddenly look twenty years younger. As much as I hate the thought of any type of plastic surgery, I want that procedure. I want it now. With my luck, the doctor will sneeze, and I’ll end up looking like the Joker. You know my life – one Murphy’s Law day after another.
My best girlfriend is twenty years older than me (and I thought I was old – LOL). I used to look at the skin on her arms and think, “Am I ever glad MY arms don’t look like that!” Well, guess what? Crapola, now they do – it’s as if suddenly God reached down and pushed my arms together to make the skin wrinkly and it’s really starting to get on my last nerve. And then there’s the issue with my back and leg not healing like I thought they would and being in pain and limping and running out of physical therapy appointments next week! It just sucks. I broke down the other day and used a cane because it just hurt too much to walk without its support. That was the day I realized I was my grandmother and I was five minutes away from living in one of those weirdly-flowered house dresses. Gah…
But it beats the alternative and I’m truly grateful every day I wake up on the right side of the grass. So what if my boobies are sort of falling down – they’re just in a race to match my butt which is also lowering for some reason. Life means looking like you are in your mid-50′s on the outside while feeling like you’re in your mid-twenties on the inside. (Yes I know celebrities like Susan Lucci are in their 60′s and look like 20, but they’ve been carved more times than a Thanksgiving Turkey.) Cruel, but true. Basically, I just need to grow about 3 inches in length and everything would even out again. I’ll keep blowing out birthday candles (and yes, we always keep the fire extinguisher handy) and wishing for my youth to return, but it will never happen. I’m told, wisdom takes its place. I haven’t found that either – - maybe I’ll find it when I get to Mars and get my tits pointing in the right direction. You’ll be the first to know, trust me.