What Not to Wear…Really

pic courtesy of failblog.org

I fully realize half our summer is gone but I cannot hold my tongue any longer.  Now I’m no fashion maven — I normally leave that to others more savvy than I (think:  What Not to Wear).  But, ladies, come on — stop with the short shorts after you hit your 40’s please.

While strolling through Le Tarzhay the other day my eyes started burning and I felt stabbing pains sear through my brain as I was faced (literally) with a woman who had the most gawdawful outfit on I have ever seen.  I kid you not – this broad had to be in her 50’s, with pancake makeup (and it was a HOT day) all tarted up in one of those tie-around-the-neck and tie-around-the-midriff  halter top (I haven’t even SEEN any of those lately) with…wait for it…SEQUINS (shades of infomercial for the machine that will help you put rhinestones and sequins on all your clothing).  SEQUINS – the woman was wearing a sequined halter and yes…she had batwing arms just flyin’ around like nobody’s business.  What was that sound?  Oh yeah…the sound of rubber being laid down on the floor as I screeched the wheels of my cart to a total halt.

But worse still she had on short shorts (Daisy Dukes for cryin out loud) and high heels.  I actually stopped (I’m just slightly ashamed of my behavior – just slightly mind you)  and stand there in shock.  She had obviously dyed (coz it was very dark) black hair and it was long and Farrah Fawcettish. 

It occured to me I should get in touch with Gen Petraus because this lady could possibly be our latest weapon.  Since the Taliban doesn’t “see” women (hello Burqa?) we could just pitch this broad out in the open.  Those rebel nasties would be so shocked to see what a “real” (you can laugh here) woman looks like, they would gladly lay down their weapons and surrender (repeat after me….Shock and Awe).

This poor woman had cellulite growing on her cellulite and those poor thighs were chafing with each step as she sashayed down the aisles (oh yeah, I found her in the makeup section).  Bless her little heart I think she actually thought she looked good.  I wanted to grab her and drag her to the ladies room and have “the chat.”  Then I simply said a little prayer – Lord let this woman have a good day coz I think she needs it.

Please ladies — look in the mirror before you leave the house even if you’re only going to Le Tarzhay – look hard in that mirror.  And if the bottom of your drooping butt is visible under those shorts – please do the rest of us a favor and send those shorts directly to Goodwill. 

This has been a Public Service Announcement….sigh…

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13 thoughts on “What Not to Wear…Really

  1. LOL! You are so right Linda! For crying out loud what are people thinking! Then there’s those who think PJ’s are now meant to be worn outside while shopping. It’s not a fashion statement. It’s a statement that says – “Look at me! I’m too stupid to know what clothes are!” LOL!

    Thanks for the morning laugh!
    Dr. Rus
    you can drop the “Dr.” here bud — snort! j/k Hi Tweetfriend!! Thanks for stopping by. I think the PJ issue is a case of laziness – we started with Casual Friday and it went downhill from there – now it seems anything goes. Ugh. I really felt bad for this woman – and I honestly stopped dead in my tracks and (shame on me) stared. We’ve all made fashion bloopers (see other blog postings about me wearing things inside out coz I’m not paying attention) – but this total package was so bizarre. I thought at first maybe she had some type of dementia – but she was shopping and seemed “okay” – I dunno – guess some people don’t have mirrors. See ya in Tweetsville! ;)

  2. I have heard that most of these women do think that they look like they are hot to trot and so cool and sexy looking. Barf, Barf. Seriously I do not think they have a mirror that they can see all these parts of their body and some fool prankster must tell them that they look great and then laughs and laughs when people like us look at them in shock.

    If anything the women who dress like this would make the case in many countries as to why the women should wear a burqa. I mean honestly if you had the choice to see a woman in a burqa or a woman dressed like in the above picture, which one would you rather see. Sadly the burqa would win most of the time. But if one knows that the burqas are a sign of subserviance then I would almost have to choose to see the lady in the picture. Even though she is distasteful looking at least she has the right to look distasteful. But the arab men would rather have their women dressed in a burqa, but they want their 70 virgins dressed like the slutty woman in the picture.

    I just figure that the women who dress so distastefully have to have a very low IQ if they have one at all, because if they had half a brain they would cover that crap up. But this lady sure is making me want to go on a diet. Ugh is all I can say about her taste or lack of taste in clothes.

    God bless.

    PS…next time please take a picture and maybe if she saw it on your blog then she might stop dressing that way and spare you from having to see it again.
    Honestly – my brain – it was one of those days I ran out the door to do errands and left cell on kitchen table. Ack. I’m not sure I would have taken a pic – it was just that bad – I honestly felt sorry for her coz she thought she looked good. I didn’t truly want to make fun of her by posting her pic either – I don’t like that. But it was funny. Poor woman.

  3. I’ve looked in the mirror. That’s why my short shorts end below my knees:)
    You’re pretty – I’ve seen you in a bathing suit remember and there’s nothing wrong with those legs!!! silly girl. MUAH!

  4. I think those women have “magic” mirrors that allow them think they are a shoe-in for the next Victoria’s Secret modeling job. Bless their delusional hearts.
    I dunno – maybe their world is not such a bad place to be. lol

  5. I think they have the reverse reaction that most of us “normal” women have when we look in the mirror. We tend to look and see faults that may or may not be there mixed in with the reality of what we actually look like and therefore, dress accordingly which is usually age/size appropriate. Then you have the women like her that look in the mirror and see the “fantasy” woman they think they are and dress accordingly which is usually inappropriate for their age/size and they truly believe they look gorgeous.
    Paging Dr. Delaney…Dr. Delaney — you should be in a counseling type of practice coz you hit it dead on sistah!
    I’m going thru this body image thing now coz it’s still hard for me to see just how much weight I’ve lost. I told my dr today where I wanted to be and he said ABSOLUTELY NOT and made me add pounds to “my magic number”. How about that. I don’t have much more to lose after all. Still just don’t see it. Workin’ on that.

  6. And that poor little butterfly got caught in there and can’t get out…
    “help me…can’t breathe…” snicker

  7. I have seen women dressed like this too and just as bad topless men with massive stomachs that overhang their shorts. I would never ever judge anybody by their appearance, however my sister has a friend who is a very large size but she buys clothes that suit her and makes sure they fit correctly and she looks absolutely stunning.

    There have been occasions when I have “over-gothed” slightly and my Mom has told me to tame it down a little which I really appreciated so I cannot understand why their partners and friends don’t have a quiet word in their ears.
    I think you make a very good point Angel – dress for your size – some women just can’t allow themselves to get over that “size number” issue so their clothes don’t fit properly and they look heavier than they really are – wear stuff that fits and if the “number” bothers u, cut out the tag! I like the “quiet work in their ears” – and I, too, have seen the men with their gigantic guts hangin out — have a man in neighborhood who refuses to wear a shirt when he mows lawn and his stomach looks like he’s carrying a litter and he’s 6 months overdue to deliver! ugh

  8. Crone, what state do you live in (I promise I won’t come find you!!!)? I see this kind of thing all the time in Georgia, even in my 20’s. All I can do is mutter a “Bless Her Heart” and beg my roommates to commit me if I ever try to leave the house like that.

    And I’m sure General Petraeus would be interested in your idea; I think there’s a a potential for a career in battle strategy in your future…
    It’s okay sweetie I regularly mention to my 12 faithful readers how I live in Ohio. Devoted Spouse and I heard on the news the other day that the area in which we live is one of the leaders of obesity in the country – not as bad as West Virginia and a few other states, but even so. I look around and tend to agree. People here just fill themselves with junk — there are few “healthy” restaurants around – a few… but mostly it’s fast food and franchises like Applebees or TGIFridays where the food is served in enormous portions and loaded with fat and calories. When I went to SC recently, I actually packed extra turkey sandwiches because I looked around the surrounding area where my motel was on the first leg of the trip and it was just “home cooking” and McD’s and I knew I was in trouble. LOL I have so many ideas for the Gen – he would be amazed….giggling… Thanks for stopping in.

  9. EEK! I see far too many of those parading past our house. Our street seems to be a short cut to heaven knows where lately. I keep DH that I need to keep a bottle of eye bleach around to clean those images off my eyeballs.
    I know – it’s burned permanently into my retinas. But it also serves as a reminder to me to check that mirror before I go out in public. Then again, I don’t own halters or daisy dukes, etc. lol

  10. Oops that should be ‘keep telling DH’…sigh, my brain works faster than my fingers.
    we don’t mind typos here — I usually can figure out what folks mean. ;) It’s much harder as a rule to figure out what I mean. lol

  11. It’s tragic really. I ask myself one simple thing when I see women, and sometimes men, wearing ridiculous outfits: “REALLY???” As a journalist, I’ve wanted to write a column asking people to cover up so I can walk out to conduct my interviews without throwing up along the way. The human body itself can be unattractive anyway, but when it’s paired with the “underwear shorts” and midriff-bearing tops, it makes ME want to curl in a hole. Speaking with regard to what they see in the mirror, as someone who is versed in eating disorders and a counseling grad student, one can assume many people who are wearing such clothing suffer from body dismorphic disorder and truly cannot see what the rest of the world sees. This disorder can come out in an eating disorder that results in covering up the body with layers or in showing off the body because one thinks they have much to look at. I won’t criticize anymore, but simply suggest that individuals ask someone before leaving the house. It’s completely immodest to dress this way or to not get dressed at all. I’m 5’2″ and very tiny and would never, ever consider wearing something like this unless I’m laying on a beach at the ocean in my bikini.
    http://www.thissideofthecreek.wordpress.com
    It never ceases to amaze me what people consider acceptable clothing. Now that is colder here, people are wearing their pajamas as if they are slacks. Ugh. I agree – find a friend and ask them how you look. Thanks for your comment. ;)

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